LONDON, ON – Sources report that your Facebook “memories” have revealed that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad while commenting on a picture of your friend Todd who was holding a joint and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Reports indicate that you also referred to various events, photographs and situations are “rachete” and “ghetto”, in one incident dating back to 2008 you boasted proudly that you just made a “dope ghetto rap mix” for your “crew”. All photographic evidence shown by Facebook memories indicates that your circle of friends was exclusively white men.
One reported Facebook memory shows a picture of you passed out drunk on the floor of a dorm room next to an empty bottle of Smirnoff Green Apple Vodka with the caption “I didn’t choose the thug life…”
According to sources, you now consider yourself proudly “woke”, with many reporting their shock and disdain that you would use language appropriates black culture in a disparaging manner.
Other Facebook Memories reveal that you subsisted entirely on Redbull and Subway through undergrad, engaged Facebook “flamewars” over Wikileaks and government surveillance, devoted a great deal of time to writing Facebook notes with pre-Buzzfeed quizzes asking “Which Christmas Tree Ornament Are You?”, and in later years sharing planking videos.