NEW YORK – 50 year old mechanic Paul Jenson is currently in a state of panic after spending the last four hours unsuccessfully trying to leave critically-acclaimed “Into Our Collective Darkness,”…
Culture
7 movies to watch before you die tomorrow at dawn
2001: A Space Odyssey. North by Northwest. 400 Blows. Cinema is filled with classics, but these days there’s too much to watch in one lifetime. Especially when the beasts want you dead! Here’s se…
Simu Liu breaks barriers as first Mississaugan superhero
SAN DIEGO — Marvel Studios has announced that Chinese-Canadian actor Simu Liu, of Kim’s Convenience, will play the lead in their upcoming film Shang Chi, making this their first film to fea…
5 purses for summer that are just various bags of takeout
With the inauguration of summer comes the inevitable transition from weighted winter sweaters to barely-there-bikinis. But finding the right purse to match your eazy-breezy summer vibe is no easy…
SPCA halts production on live-action Cats movie until all actors are spayed
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the legendary Broadway musical Cats were thrilled to watch the first trailer for its upcoming live-action film adaptation yesterday, but further production has been …
New summer episodes of The Beaverton to finally lay the smackdown on BBQs and cottage weekends
TORONTO – With its third season premiering July 23rd at 10pm on CTV, and episodes running Tuesdays at 10 throughout the summer, tv satire series The Beaverton is finally being given a chanc…
Man delighted to discover his New Yorker tote bag is the perfect size to keep his stack of unread New Yorkers
TORONTO – After nearly four months of isolation, a New Yorker tote bag has found itself a greater purpose outside the dusty kitchen cabinets it once called home, “future graduate student” Samuel …
Possessed doll tired of being typecast by Hollywood
LOS ANGELES – Standing in front of the posters for Child’s Play and Annabelle Comes Home at her local movie theater, Penny, a possessed doll and working actor, is unable to contain her ange…
Unimaginative Alice in Wonderland School play contains total lack of psychedelic drugs
Whitby, ON – A production of Alice in Wonderland staged at P.L. Thomas Elementary School has reportedly disappointed many audience members due to the directors and cast’s unfortunate failure to e…
Morrissey reveals The Smiths song “This Charming Man” about David Duke
LOS ANGELES – In a new interview, Morrissey has revealed that The Smiths famous hit “This Charming Man” was actually written about former Grand Wizard of the KKK, David Duke. Fans were almo…
