Fort McMurray, AB – Gallons of Dom Perignon were smashed with wanton destruction upon many a hypothetical yacht hull when local self-described ‘Jack Carowak’ Roger Pithy announced he had pr…
Culture
Health Canada orders all people to wear full-body costumes from the Masked Singer when out in public
OTTAWA – In the midst of many provinces reopening parts of their cities during the COVID-19 pandemic, federal health officials have mandated that anyone attending a public business must wear an e…
Government finally funds Canadian artists
OTTAWA – To the shock and disbelief of thousands of actors, musicians, and arts administrators across the country, the CERB payments necessitated by the COVID-19 outbreak have provided CanadaR…
LEGO recalls police sets after discovering pieces break down under slightest pressure
DENMARK – The LEGO corporation issued an announcement yesterday that it will be recalling all police-related toy sets after thousands of angry customers reported that the pieces broke down danger…
“No Makeup” makeup look now just no makeup
NEW YORK – The makeup world is buzzing as beauty bloggers everywhere have revealed that the new way to achieve the perfect “no makeup” makeup look is to not put on any in the first place. “…
Star Wars super fan’s least favourite franchise probably Star Wars
PARENT’S BASEMENT, AB – Local Star Wars fanatic Jake Martin has come to the conclusion that Star Wars is the best franchise he has ever hated with all his heart. “By far the greatest …
Ancient Canadian curse requires that there must be an Anne of Green Gables remake every five years or else
AVONLEA – An ancient Canadian curse has been discovered on the original manuscript of Anne of Green Gables, demanding the book be adapted every five years, or else. The curse was first disc…
Man secretly happy co-worker who scored Hamilton tickets can’t use them
TORONTO – As theatres across Ontario remain closed, local man, Julian Yoon, is secretly ecstatic his co-worker is unable to use his Hamilton tickets. “I remember the day, he (smugly) posted…
Neat! This virtual museum tour lets you wait in line 3 hours to see the Mona Lisa!
Thanks to the fantastic new virtual tour offered by Paris’s Louvre Museum, art lovers from around the world can enjoy the authentic, once-in-a-lifetime experience of waiting a really long time in…
Netflix to release a documentary on gay dogs: “There’s something there?”
Los Gatos, CA – People everywhere are at a loss for new content across many of the streaming giants, but it’s none other than OG streaming service and self-described “thots” Netflix that is…
