HOLLYWOOD – After an announcement by Oscar-nominated Canadian actor Elliot Page that he is trans, major studio executives have begun the search for the perfect cis actor to step into the “Elliot Page” role in a future inspirational biopic.
The motion picture is expected to garner an Academy Award for whatever cis actor portrays the challenges and discrimination Page faces as a trans actor.
“Elliot Page is a true trailblazer, and their courage deserves to be brought to the screen by somebody who hasn’t shared even remotely similar life experiences,” said Eddie Redmayne, star of The Danish Girl, in reaction to the news.
In spite of the recent nature of Page’s announcement, their story is already in development in an unauthorized script that explores his life with a focus on tragedy, pain, the occasional humorous misunderstanding, and tragedy.
“Today is an incredible day not only for Elliot Page, but also for the entire cis acting community, which warmly welcomes the addition of yet another prestige role that we all hope to one day portray,” stated Hilary Swank, star of Boys Don’t Cry.
The as-of-yet untitled movie about Page’s life has been granted an unlimited special effects makeup budget to transform any actor into the Juno star’s likeness, and has provided the casting department with a wall of headshots and some darts to throw at them while blindfolded.
As one executive explains, “We need to find somebody bankable enough that they’ve been in a superhero franchise like X-Men, have worked with blockbuster directors like Christopher Nolan, and can anchor a major Netflix series like The Umbrella Academy. You know, an actor like Jared Leto.”