NEW YORK – Publishing giant Penguin Random House has announced a new self-help book by a man who, in defiance of every credible medical professional, adopted a dangerous all-beef diet and fell into a coma.
The book, which will be presented as a dozen rules to living a better life, will be written by an author whose daughter tricked him into believing that vegetables are bad for you. Scheduled for release in 2021, assuming the writer isn’t distracted by another tirade on how the Frozen movies are nefarious anti-male propaganda, the new title promises to combine common sense with rambling pseudo-philosophical gibberish.
“We’re proud to publish a second book of advice by a man who inexplicably shot to fame by posting Quora comments and complaining about his students on YouTube,” a Penguin spokesperson said.
“While we realise this title is proving controversial among some of our audience. We are committed to publishing a free speech advocate who threatened to slap a critic and sue another. Penguin is confident that the thoughts of a man who thinks universities are secretly run by communists will be the intellectual sensation of the year.”
While some Penguin employees protested the announcement, calling the author “misogynistic” and “honestly just pretty bad at writing,” many fans expressed unbridled enthusiasm.
At press time, a Reddit user commented, “I’m just glad that someone who unabashedly stands up for traditional masculine values still has a place in this world,” alluding to the writer who once cried when discussing Pinocchio.
