Burlington, ON – Following a class action law suit local sports bar Beer ‘n’ Birds Bar and Grill has been found guilty of false advertising after promoting their ghost pepper wings as ‘deat…
Business
Major cookie conglomerate expects record sales thanks to child labour initiative
KITCHENER, ON – Dare Foods CEO Martin Schmitt told investors on a conference call he expects record sales again this year thanks to his company’s use of an unpaid child labour force to sell…
TD offering account insurance to protect against TD-related fraud
TORONTO – In response to allegations that the bank had pressured its employees to break the law to meet sales targets, TD is now providing account insurance to prevent TD-related fraud and …
Productivity Goals! This man multitasks by drinking at work!
Between work, home, exercise, and family, sometimes it seems like there’s just not enough hours in the day! But one man is pushing his productivity to the max with an exciting new lifehack –…
Customers pleasantly surprised to learn Subway chicken has 50% poultry DNA
TORONTO – Regular patrons of Subway restaurant were ‘delighted’ by the results of a CBC Marketplace investigation released last week that revealed that some of the food chain’s sandwi…
In effort to keep up with climate change, Canada Goose releases new line of fur-trimmed tank tops
TORONTO – After one of the warmest winters on record, the Canadian luxury parka manufacturer Canada Goose has pivoted into the burgeoning fur-lined tank top market. “Yes, climate change is …
Revolutionary new management book uses metaphor to explain management
VANCOUVER – Business luminaries the world over have been heaping praise on a new book entitled A Zebra on the Ladder, which is the first ever volume to teach managerial skills and philosoph…
Tim Hortons employees completely unaware of what’s on menu
BURLINGTON, ON – Several customers were forced to leave a Tim Hortons hungry yesterday after staff of the coffee shop admitted that none of them had any idea what was on the menu. Like many…
The Beaverton launches crowdfunding campaign to finance investigative report on why Ezra Levant is such a fuckface
Dear Readers, What the fuck is wrong with Ezra Levant? After the terrorist attack on a Quebec City mosque resulted in the arrest of a lone gunman, Alexandre Bissonette – a noted white natio…
McDonald’s unveils all-day breakfast in Canada to stress-test healthcare system
TORONTO – McDonald’s Canada announced today that it will begin serving all-day breakfast in order to stress-test the country’s socialized healthcare system. The menu will feature a selectio…
