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Sears Canada renames itself ‘Bombardier’ so government will bail it out of bankruptcy

TORONTO – Canada has renamed itself to ‘, Department Store Division’ in an effort to receive billions from the government and stave off declaring bankruptcy.

The new corporate moniker won a tight vote among shareholders yesterday and beat out other favorites including ‘GM’ and ‘Alberta’s oilsands’.

“The decision to sell off our stores, do little to compete, fire 400 employees, and reward our shareholders with large dividends is not our faults,” said Edward Lampert, CEO of Sears Holding Corporation. “And we are sure that provincial and federal governments will see it that way too.”

The bold business ploy has already seen early success with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Quebec Premier Philippe Couillard stating that they would offer the waning chain of Bombardier department stores zero-interest loans and public subsidies.

“We must keep jobs with Bombardier,” tweeted Premier Couillard. “These high tech kitchen appliance salespeople and state-of-the-art catalogues is a boon to the economy.”

In related news, the federal government announced Bombardier Aerospace would become Canada’s newest Crown Corporation.

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