NEW YORK – In what is already being hailed as a novel and innovative attempt to reach out to America’s crucial Evangelical consumer base, PepsiCo subsidiary Mountain Dew has announced a new promotional contest that asks consumers what Dew would have been done by their Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.
The three contestant flavours, ‘Mountain Dew: Dew Testament’, ‘Mountain Dew: Sermon on the Mountain Dew’, and ‘Mountain Dew: Book of Code Red-velations’ are available for a limited run in select stores, and customers are encouraged to vote for their favourite online or through social media.
A company spokesperson claimed the campaign was meant to target ‘Dudes who don’t have time to be dead for three days’ and ‘Only the most radical Christians’.
The beverage company’s distinctive ads feature a sweatband and sunglasses-clad Jesus at a reenactment of the iconic Last Supper.
“This is my body, given for you; this is my blood, which is poured out for you; and this… is how I dew,” says Jesus, before grinding down the length of the table on a crucifix-shaped skateboard to thumping house music and twerking apostles.
“Do this Dew… in remembrance of me.”
At press time, the Vatican had issued a statement claiming that the campaign was ‘Only slightly more blasphemous than ‘PuppyMonkeyBaby.’