OTTAWA – For those looking to quarantine themselves from the coronavirus, health officials are recommending attending any Ottawa Senators home game to escape crowds or any human contact. “O…
Report: Outbreak of idiocy spreading 10,000 times faster than coronavirus
TORONTO – Public health officials in Toronto have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed fuckwit as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spre…
PM causes economy to crash by purchasing doughnuts from local business instead of Brazilian investment firm
WINNIPEG – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has obliterated the Canadian economy by purchasing doughnuts at a local business instead of the country’s largest chain of quick service restaurants…
North Korea threatens to blah blah, Christ, every week with these guys
PYONGYANG, NK – This week, the government of North Korea warned that if U.S. didn’t stop ticking them off, they’d blah blah, when are these guys gonna take a week off? This is directly on the hee…
Woman announces rebrand of crippling depression naps to sad time siestas
HAMILTON, ON – In an effort to escape the exhaustive emotional weight and mental strain of her current life Emilia Ruthen is taking charge like a #bossbabe and rebranding her 2-17 hour depression…
Voters send clear message of “ugh, fine, Trudeau again, I guess”
OTTAWA – Exercising their democratic rights, voters across Canada today sent a clear, unambiguous message to Ottawa of, “sure, whatever, Trudeau, I guess.” Adding “He’s fine. I mean, he’s n…
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Emma and Miguel fulfill a lifelong dream of covering the Canadian Federal Election.…
