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iPhone battery collapsing from 100% to 1% signals arrival of winter
VANCOUVER – iPhones across the Vancouver area have signaled the beginning of winter by collapsing in battery power when subjected to a temperature below 9 degrees Celsius. “I can’t wait to …
Alberta launches contact tracing app notifying users if they’ve been near David Suzuki
EDMONTON – The Canadian Energy Centre has launched a new mobile app that will warn users if they were in close contact with environmentalist David Suzuki. Albertans who download the mobile …
Ontario government confirms public health experts were on mute this whole time
TORONTO – The Ontario PC government is claiming they didn’t follow the advice of public health experts because they were on mute this entire time. Ontario Health Minister Christine Elliott …
International community sends emergency supply of better leaders to Manitoba
WINNIPEG – As supplies for people taking responsibility dwindle, the international community is sending in two hundred tons of leadership in absence of having a Premier who takes the corona…
Veterans fought for my freedom to kill them with COVID-19
By Byron Grimshaw Whenever I reflect on November 11th, I think of all of the veterans who were fighting for freedom and democracy. Many have grown old, but they will be happy to know that I am ex…
Canadians remember the sacrifices Don Cherry made to hijack Remembrance Day for his personal brand
KINGSTON, ON – Canadians took a moment of silence today to recognize the important sacrifices former Hockey Night in Canada commentator Don Cherry made to turn a sacred event into a spectac…
Premier Kenney responds to spike in cases by expanding Alberta’s y-axis
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is taking bold steps at tackling the rapid spread of cases of COVID-19 in the province by expanding the y-axis on all statistical graphs. “The Health…
Hundreds of Leafs fans demand the NHL “stops the steal” of the Stanley Cup
NEW YORK – A loud and boisterous crowd of fans are demanding the NHL stop the conspiracy to steal the Stanley Cup from the Toronto Maple Leafs. Approximately 200 fans protested outside the …
Whole Foods: Wearing poppies would insult our commitment to fascism
OTTAWA – Grocery retailer Whole Foods has banned its employees from wearing the poppy citing its ongoing commitment to fascism. The American multinational supermarket chain owned Amazon sai…
