MILTON, ON – Reaffirming that his family is a “Pfizer family,” local father Harold Ludwig has forbidden his daughter Donna from dating a teenage “Moderna bad boy.” “I’m putting my foot down…
Millions of Canadians cancel vaccine appointments since beating US only thing that mattered
OTTAWA – With Canada’s brittle sense of pride restored, millions of Canadians have cancelled their first and second COVID-19 vaccine appointments since beating the US in immunizations was r…
City of Ottawa announces $2.9 million housing program for Porsches
OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has announced a generous contribution to a public housing development that will provide needy Porsches unable to find luxury homes and four car garages. Througho…
Woman exhausts supply of spices in ongoing feud with squirrel
BRANTFORD, ON – In an escalating confrontation with a rodent, local resident and amatuer botanist Shelly Hargrove has exhausted her home’s supply of chili powder, turmeric, and other spices…
Saskatchewanians grab keys from Premier Moe despite his insistence that he’s sober enough to re-open province
REGINA – Responsible citizens of Saskatchewan have hid the keys on Premier Scott Moe in order to prevent him from opening up the province without a sober mind. “Don’t worry, I’ll go slow an…
Alberta justice minister investigating federal Liberals, NDP Opposition, media for ties to JFK assassination
EDMONTON – Alberta Justice Minister Kaycee Madu has opened up an investigation into the federal Liberals, NDP Opposition and the media’s role in the 1963 assassination of US President John …
Manitoba moves schools to North Dakota
WINNIPEG – Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister announced all of Manitoba’s schools will be relocated to North Dakota for the remainder of the school year until the province’s pandemic subsides…
NHL claims Tom Wilson was only providing first aid by applying ice surface to opposing players’ head injuries
NEW YORK – The NHL took no further disciplinary action against Washington Capitals player Tom Wilson after claiming the enforcer was merely attempting to apply ice to his opponents’ head in…
Ontario LTC Minister Fullerton in isolation after brief exposure to accountability
TORONTO – Ontario’s Minister of Long Term Care Merrilee Fullerton was rushed out of a media scrum after being briefly exposed to accountability yesterday. The minister will spend the next 1…
People of Alberta forced to launch their own war room lobbying for COVID response
CALGARY – The people of Alberta have announced their own war room which hopes to get the provincial government to take COVID-19 seriously. The new lobby organization, the Alberta People Cen…
