TORONTO, ON- A new study finds that your roommate Tad actually does leave the house sometimes, and that he does, in fact, sometimes leave the house to go to work. “Not that it’s any business of y…
Female greenhouse employee breaks glass ceiling, immediately fired
MARKHAM, ON- A local greenhouse has had both its gender barrier and several safety regulations broken today, as longtime employee Nora Molsen did what was said could never be done by a woman; sha…
Local man unknowingly driving spirit animal extinct
VANCOUVER, BC- Sources confirm local man Greg Lommens continues to contribute to the endangerment of his spirit animal, the loggerhead turtle. “I was stoked when that quiz from Buzzfeed told me m…
Amazing! This candy syringe tastes just like real glass!
WINDSOR, ON- Move over, spicy lollipop, there’s a new prank candy in town! Available in individually wrapped packages at the drugstore, these syringes have a glass-like taste that is so accurate,…
Experts warn against participating in #asbestoschallenge
OTTAWA, ON- Following a recent survey of medical research, a panel of scientists have discovered that the ‘asbestos challenge’ currently trending on social media is not the harmless f…
“Ozark” added to federal watch-later list
OTTAWA – In a press release today, the RCMP updated its Must Watch List for 2018, with Netflix’s Ozark taking the top spot. “After receiving intel that Ozark is really good from my cousin T…
Local activist raises awareness of crumbling infrastructure by getting crushed by chunk of city hall
Bilmington, MB- After years of activism, concerned citizen Wyatt DeVeers has finally drawn attention to the dilapidated structures plaguing the town after being flattened by a 400kg piece of town…
Quiz: Are you a rock, a paper or some weird third thing?
We all love the classic game Rock vs. Paper, but we’ve all also wondered at one point whether we’re more like rock or paper, or, god forbid, an object that is somehow neither. Take our quiz to re…
Amazing! This man got bitten by a radioactive fruit fly and now has 24 hours to live!
Think science experiments always yield the same old boring results? Think again. Lester LeBlanc was an ordinary photojournalism student doing a report on a research lab that bombarded insects wit…
Canadian journalist held captive overseas by chatty friend from college
TEHRAN, IRAN – Officials have confirmed that the journalist being held hostage in a leaked Instagram video is Ottawa resident Emilia Allens. “It’s a very tense situation: Ms. Allens a…
