OTTAWA – In addition to new levies on American goods, Justin Trudeau has reacted to US President Trump’s escalating trade war by calling in Canada’s most skilled players of Settlers of Cata…
NASA’s Curiosity rover finds evidence of nightlife on Mars
WASHINGTON, DC – NASA has announced that the Curiosity rover has recently discovered compelling evidence for the existence of nightlife on Mars, including but not limited to clubs, bars, an…
Rest of Canada would appreciate it if Ontario would hurry the fuck up and vote already
EVERYWHERE THAT ISN’T ONTARIO – The rest of Canada is urging Ontario to please take whatever steps are necessary to conclude their tumultuous and extremely prolonged provincial election. “Our res…
Disneyland creates immersive fairytale experience by turning workers into feudal serfs
Anaheim, CA – Taking the lead in the new immersive entertainment trend, Disneyland has begun treating their workers like peasants to provide park goers with an authentic feudal experience t…
Strike Watch: WestJet management skeptical pilots have the courage to walk off the job
CALGARY – As the date of the potential pilot strike gets closer, WestJet management wants to assure customers that the striking pilots won’t have the boldness and grit it takes to walk off …
Local woman overcome with guilt after returning library book unread
CALGARY – Reading is known as a means of escape from the harshness of reality, but for one local woman who wishes to remain anonymous, a ticking clock turned her dream of a pleasant diversi…
Hardcore Marvel fans showing up early to watch Infinity War’s secret 160 minute pre-credit sequence
LOS ANGELES – While Marvel is known for inserting mid- and post-credit scenes into its films to keep fans in their seats while the credits rolls, Avengers: Infinity War is turning this prac…
Tax season ends, hunting CRA agents now considered poaching
OTTAWA – As another tax season draws to a close, the Government of Canada is reminding citizens that hunting agents who work for the Canada Revenue Agency will be considered poaching starti…
Facebook revealed to be pyramid scheme, first users only ones to make friends
Menlo Park, CA – 2.2 billion Facebook users were shocked when it was revealed today that Facebook is the largest friend-based Ponzi scheme in history and the vast majority of users had made…
Netflix greenlights reboot of 64,000-year-old cave painting
LOS GATOS, CA – Following the success of reboots/sequels like Fuller House, Gilmore Girls and Lost In Space, Netflix is now looking at humanity’s oldest artistic endeavor as a fresh yet pal…
