CALGARY – Animals on the endangered species list the world over are sick and tired of humanity’s obsession with watching their mating habits and they’re not keeping silent about it anymore.…
Triumphant Jason Kenney celebrates win by preemptively blaming Rachel Notley for everything that’ll go wrong during his premiership
CALGARY – After thanking everyone who worked on the campaign and everyone who voted UCP, future Alberta premier Jason Kenney took a moment during his victory speech to give a special thank …
Jason Kenney blasts Rachel Notley for not loving Alberta enough to commit electoral fraud to win party leadership
CALGARY – After weeks of denial, Jason Kenney has changed tack and is not only leaning into the allegations that he committed fraud to win the UCP leadership race in 2017, but is questionin…
Great Lakes downgraded to Okay Lakes
TORONTO – Following months of painstaking research and discussion, a quorum of the world’s leading lake experts have come to the conclusion that the bodies of water formerly known as the Gr…
Brexit deadline officially pushed back to Claire Danes’ birthday
LONDON – The EU has granted the UK’s request to push the deadline for Brexit from its previous date of March 29 to April 12, the birthday of American actor Claire Danes. “This added time wi…
UCP considers dropping requirement that all its candidates have experience spreading hate on social media
EDMONTON – A second UCP candidate has pulled out of the provincial election due to hateful social media posts and the UCP is starting to wonder if their insistence that candidates have a hi…
Cher re-records ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ to reflect recent advances in entropy reversal
Cambridge, MA – After an exhaustive consultation with mathematicians and quantum computer programmers, singer Cher and songwriter Diane Warren have rewritten the 1989 hit ‘If I Could Turn B…
Alberta election called, voters face stark choice between environmental devastation and environmental devastation with slightly better schools
CALGARY – Premier Rachel Notley has announced the Alberta provincial election will take place on April 16, tasking Albertans with choosing between a party promising to destroy the environme…
Poll shows Canadian consumers want electric eel powered vehicles and they want them now
OTTAWA – A new poll has revealed that nearly 64% of Canadians want electric eels to replace gasoline as the primary transportation power source in Canada, and they want the conversion to ha…
Local woman can’t find anything she owns despite living in 200 sq. ft. micro apartment
VANCOUVER – Susan Jones is tired of being unable to locate a single object she needs despite living in an apartment small enough for her to traverse in a single hop. “I know what I’m lookin…
