Mobile, Alabama – 3rd Amendment values voter Rusty Scofield warns that Hillary Clinton secretly plans to abolish the US Constitution’s 3rd Amendment, in order to house soldiers in citizen’s…
Journalists criticize Clinton for not moderating debate
Hempstead, NY – Following the first debate of the 2016 United States presidential race, members of the media are furious that Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton for failing to moderate the …
Nestlé outbids Ontario man for access to his body’s water
PETERBOROUGH – Local man Dave MacIsaac has been outbid by multinational food and beverage giant Nestlé, who have now secured the rights to the water which makes up 60% of his body. A spokes…
Donald Trump loses rec center in breakdance competition with neighborhood teens
QUEENS, NEW YORK – The Donald Trump presidential campaign suffered a setback this week after the nominee lost the deed to a recreation center in a climactic pop-and-lock showdown with local…
Report: 100% of wireless Apple headphones already lost between couch cushions
SAN FRANCISCO – Following today’s Apple keynote announcement of their iPhone 7 featuring new wireless headphones, Apple users have reported that 100% of the new “AirPods” have been lost in …
5 unique illustrated prints that will make you say “I’ve woken up in a stranger’s home… again”
No time like the present to spruce up a room with some new illustrated prints, particularly if it’s a room in a strange house where you’ve inexplicably come to! Photo Credit …
Fervent acolytes await prophesied return of Pumpkin Spice Latte
WINNIPEG – Deep beneath the earth in an adjunct conference room of Buhler Industries Inc, a clandestine group of extremely white disciples eagerly awaits the earthly rebirth of their most s…
Mexico detains Trump at border; “America is not sending us their best”
TIJUANA – Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has been detained by authorities at the Mexican border, after it was determined that he was entering the country illegally. “Judging…
Leslie Jones signs multi-picture deal to remake every single movie online trolls grew up loving
HOLLYWOOD – Following a hack and leak of nude photos of comedic actress Leslie Jones, Hollywood studios have announced a 35-film deal to feature Jones in remakes of every single movie that …
Ryan Lochte wins gold in 400m ‘Making Up A Robbery’
RIO – American swimmer Ryan Lochte has won his second gold medal of the Rio Olympics, this time in the Men’s 400m Making Up A Robbery That Never Actually Happened. “This is unreal, kind of …
