INTERNATIONAL WATERS – Speaking from the middle of a 7 day Caribbean cruise, members of the Webster family are at an absolute loss to explain who thought going on a cruise would be any fun whatsoever.
“No way this was my fault. The kids said they wanted to go somewhere warm, since apparently last year’s trip to Winnipeg was ‘too boring,” insisted thoroughly sunburnt father Craig Webster as he sipped a $17 Tom Collins. He then gestured overboard to the featureless ocean stretching out to the horizon, “Yeah, this is way better.”
Since boarding the Carnival Cruises ship in Miami (a “godforsaken mosquito swamp,” according to mother Judy Webster) family members were quick to disavow any responsibility to choosing or even suggesting to take a cruise.
Oldest son Taylor offered one theory, “I assume grandpa wanted to come here, since everything is so slow and boring. Old people like that.” He then resumed watching an overly tanned woman nearby throw up her strawberry daiquiri.
Reached for comment, grandfather and retired insurance adjuster Ted Webster, 67, washed his hands of any involvement. “I spent my entire working life behind a desk – you think I want to spend my golden years playing Nautical Bingo with the ‘Fun-tivities Coordinator’ or watching a cruise ship caliber magician?”
“Next year, I’m going to Reno. Alone.”
Despite intentions for the family to spend more time together aboard the cruise, reports indicate they have moved as far away from each other as possible without falling off the boat into the sea.
At press time the family had remembered they got the tickets free after the toilets and fresh water stopped working last time they took a cruise.