COBURG, ON — After cutting employee benefits and paid breaks, the heirs to the Tim Hortons fortune are encouraging their minimum wage employees to make up the lost earnings by inheriting mu…
“$60 for 10GB” phone plans give Canadians euphoric glimpse of cell pricing everywhere else on Earth
CANADA — A limited time offer of 10GB of data for $60 per month by Canada’s main wireless providers have left Canadians reeling in ecstasy as they encounter cell plans that would be pretty …
Trudeau returns from Asia trip with tattoo reading “terrible negotiator”
OTTAWA — Sources inside the PMO reveal that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been showing off a “cool new tattoo” he received during his economic trip in China, completely unaware that it …
Flynn outsmarts Mueller by indicting himself first
WASHINGTON D.C. — Following a report that Robert Mueller’s Russia probe plans to bring charges against President Trump’s former national security adviser, retired Lt. General Mi…
Halifax donair prepares to spend winter in man’s colon
HALIFAX – A recently-ordered extra large donair with the works is currently undergoing preparations to spend the winter months lodged in the colon of local call centre employee Justin MacIs…
Good Deed Alert! We went to profile a Neo-Nazi, and he offered to write the profile himself!
And they say good manners are dead! This past week our editor gave us a tall order: to go find a normal, everyday-seeming Neo Nazi in the American heartland, and write an incisive expose revealin…
FCC releases plan to dismantle Net NeutraliFOR MORE INFO PLEASE UPGRADE TO PLATINUM TIER BROADBAND
WASHINGTON D.C. — Federal regulators have released a plan to scrap Obama-era rules requiring internet service providerYOU HAVE REACHED YOUR MONTHLY 50mb LIMIT OF FREE-SURFING DATA — P…
Pardoned turkey revealed to have ties to Trump Campaign, Russia
WASHINGTON DC — As president Donald Trump observes the White House Thanksgiving tradition of pardoning a turkey, investigators have revealed that the poultry will also be pardoned for helpi…
BREAKING: Local dog feeling great
KAMLOOPS — Late-breaking reports indicate local golden retriever, Max, is loving life and is just having the best day. “Woof! Woof!” shouted Max the dog to a crowd of fascinated onlookers a…
Professor Jordan Peterson cancels plans for harassment website after discovering Twitter already exists
TORONTO — Controversial University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson has scrapped plans for a website built to identify and harass other profs after discovering an existing website calle…
