OTTAWA – Following the news that Canadian national treasure Rick Moranis was assaulted in New York City, Prime Minister Trudeau has ordered the full Canadian Armed Forces to amass on the US…
Trump slams Bob Woodward for waiting months to expose his lies about coronavirus
WASHINGTON DC – Following revelations in his upcoming book Rage that President Trump deliberately downplayed the severity of the COVID-19 pandemic, Trump attacked authour Bob Woodward for w…
Heartwarming! This kid is scared of her first day of school for regular reasons
Remember those first day of school butterflies? Worrying that you wouldn’t have the right backpack, or make any new friends. Well this tradition is being kept adorably alive as 10-year-old Madiso…
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
MONTREAL – Time and space as we know it was thrown into temporal flux today as protestors pulled down a statue of Sir John A. MacDonal, causing Canada’s first prime minister to be suddenly …
Sad man finds new favourite flavour of chips
WINNIPEG – Local pitiful human being, Jordan Wright, 34, has cemented his status as a notably bleak man by announcing that he has discovered a new favourite flavour of potato chips. “Oh God…
Trump counters Kasich, Powell endorsements by securing backing of prominent Democrats
WASHINGTON D.C. – Ahead of the Republican National Convention President Trump announced endorsements from Democrats Ghislaine Maxwell and Harvey Weinstein, intended to counter last week’s R…
NRA accused of embezzling thoughts and prayers
MANHATTAN – The attorney general of New York has launched a lawsuit alleging the National Rifle Association has engaged in decades-long fraud involving the embezzlement of members’ thoughts…
Ford government unveils school plan to send kids back to school and let them formulate a plan
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has released his fall school plan, which will see the province’s school children return to class in September in order to brainstorm an actual…
COVID first thing Nova Scotia happy to be only province without
HALIFAX – After decades of being the only province in Canada without several attractions, amenities, and chain stores, the COVID-19 virus has emerged as the first thing Nova Scotians are ac…
Homeland Security assures Americans they’re grabbing Portland protesters off street for cool frat hazing
PORTLAND, OR – After reports of unidentified federal agents pulling protesters off the street and into unmarked vans, the US Department of Homeland Security has assured citizens the snatchi…
