Irving, Texas – CEOs from oil and gas companies are suffering just like the rest of us, so much so that in light of rising inflation and “other stuff,” they’ve been forced to triple their y…
New Grand Theft Auto game allows players to make website that rates women, destabilizes democracy for profit
NEW YORK – Rockstar Games has announced their next instalment of the successful Grand Theft Auto video game series will allow players to create a website that rates the attractiveness of wo…
Last weekend was the Juno Awards and we forgot but here’s what might have happened
Toronto, Ontario (Probably) – The Juno Awards happened last weekend and we swear we were totally going to watch it but we didn’t, so here’s a roundup of what probably happened! So first, Ju…
Opinion: I don’t think you should have rights, but that’s no reason to be mean to me
Jasper, TX – Back in my day, we could talk politics in an objective and fair way. As far as I know, there hasn’t been any kind of civil unrest or movement in the last 50 years in this count…
Oscars pledge to have more diversity in styles of fighting at next year’s ceremony
Los Angeles, CA – After receiving heavy criticism for a lack of diversity at this year’s ceremonies, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has pledged to include a larger variety …
Man who “can’t relate” to Turning Red loves Star Wars
TORONTO – Local man Terrance Matthews has reported to his friends that he couldn’t relate to Turning Red’s main character while still deeply relating to Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. “The…
Friend insists you gotta watch first 17 seasons of TV show before it gets good
NETFLIX, Internet – Your friend just scolded you for giving up the show he wanted you to watch after you reported only watching the first three seasons and not liking it. “Dude, you didn’t …
Batman has been out for a week, isn’t it time for a reboot?
Los Angeles, CA – After a very long week in theatres, there’s only one question on people’s minds, who is going to play Batman next? With the public’s ravenous appetite for reboots and reva…
Bar finally set low enough for mediocre man to become hero
TORONTO, ON ― After years of plummeting faith in the male population has set expectations to a new low, local man Todd Ernst’s average existence has now been deemed “heroic” by his local neighbou…
Opinion: I didn’t get it at first but once you start fucking Pete Davidson it totally makes sense
LOS ANGELES – By 2025, the World Health Organization predicts 80 percent of the world’s population will have contracted COVID-19, and 91 percent will have fucked Pete Davidson. I fucked Pe…
