Disney+, California – Marvel executives at Disney are fuming that viewers of their content expected entertainment from their content.
“When did we ever say our content had to entertain viewers,” said Kevin Feige, Director of Marvel Studios. “The average subscriber is just so entitled these days. Other than paying us enough money to own several mansions, yachts, and islands why do you think we owe you anything? We could have Samuel L. Jackson clip his toenails on camera, but no, we had him talk to other people, in different rooms. You’re welcome!”
Disney subscribers have decreased after the poor reception of Marvel’s recent content including Secret Invasion, Ant-Man: Quantamania, Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, and Thor: Love and Thunder. Disney executives and creatives believe this is mostly due to audiences’ assumption that just because they pay for entertainment, doesn’t mean they should get it.
“I don’t care if you liked Secret Invasion or not,” stated Ali Selim, director of the recent series. “We have an unspoken agreement with superhero content. We make whatever dumdum superhero crap that has characters like the flying ass or the invincible boat or whatever, and you nimrods hand me money and eat it up and say, ‘mmm, yum-yum good thank you sir.’ To ask for anything more is inhumane.”
When critics used examples of good television and films Marvel has produced, executives insisted that those were an “accident” and that making ambitious and challenging content was “the last thing we ever want to do.”
“These asshole creatives try to sneak in good content,” explained Kevin Feige about his experience with making marvel entries. “Like in WandaVision, they tried to sneak a mystery show past me. But when I figured them out, I says, ‘It’s pro-military time!’ and I make them bring in tanks and guns and POW, another Vision guy and he goes THWOOM, right into their house!” Feige refused to say another word at this point, and just continued throwing papers and pencils around his desk and making gun noises.
Entertainment executives across the board have compared the unfair expectations of modern audiences to the writers and actors who are striking in Hollywood, stating that the belief they should be paid for the labour they provide is, “like being accosted by Nazis… somehow.”