TORONTO – In a revelation that shocked many of her male friends and coworkers yesterday, 30-year-old Lisa Rogers assured anyone who would listen that the nausea she was experiencing was due…
SPCA discovers millions of starving Neopets in abandoned server farm
TORONTO – In a raid conducted yesterday, the Toronto SPCA made a horrifying discovery when they found countless neglected and starving Neopets in a de-activated server farm, apparently left…
WinRAR CEO horrified to learn his software has been free this whole time
SAN FRANCISCO – WinRAR developer Eugene Roshal was shocked to discover that despite his popular file compression program’s very clear 40-day trial policy, literally no one on the Internet h…
Harrowing: Woman trapped in store change room for three days attempting to remove ambitiously small dress
HAMILTON – In an ordeal that spanned three terrifying days, 30-year-old Tricia Whitehead found herself trapped in a women’s change room at HotStuffs Clothing Emporium after trying to remove…
‘Chivalry is dead,’ whines man who has never once presided over a village of unwashed peasants
TORONTO – After a disappointing first date in which he felt his romantic gestures went unappreciated, Mike Peterson mourned the demise of chivalry, despite having never led an army, compete…
Chinese government incarcerates family of dead moon plant for failing the Party
BEIJING — In a swift and brutal raid last night, Chinese state officials arrested and jailed the family of the cotton sprout that withered and died just days after becoming the first plant …
Female championship gamer admits she really was faking it to attract men all along
TORONTO — After 10 years, thousands of hours of obsessive gameplay, and four world championship wins, gaming prodigy Jasmine Johnson has finally announced the truth about why, as a woman, s…
Florida man growing increasingly suspicious of the perfectly normal day he’s having
Jacksonville, FL — Florida resident Dave Peterson has spent the majority of his afternoon desperately watching for potential threats after having a totally regular, non-headline-worthy day.…
Local stalker growing increasingly concerned about your poor dietary habits
TORONTO — Neighbourhood creep Roger Andrews wants you to know that he has been watching you every night for the past six months, and has become extremely worried about your increasingly dec…
Makeup-free woman actually is pretty tired, thank you for noticing
TORONTO – Felicity McMurray, 33, was overwhelmed with gratitude on Monday after she accidentally left the house without makeup and received constant concerned observations about how utterly…
