Hamilton, ON – Local woman, Sarah Kinst, has decided to combat the winter blues by participating in the “Around The Bay” marathon and informing anyone within a three kilometer radius to her…
Alcohol reports it’s giving YOU up for January
WINNIPEG — Following the holiday season, and after much soul-searching, this week alcohol officially declared that it is abstaining from you for the month of January. “I was starting to fee…
Woman’s fear of flying traced back to fact flying is scary
TORONTO – After much self-discovery and countless hours of psychotherapy, Ana Simonetta, has officially discovered that her deep seated fear of flying on a plane is derived from the undenia…
Study: women’s most popular pornography selection of 2018, men sincerely apologizing
CALGARY, AB — A recent study has concluded that the number one choice of pornographic material for straight-identifying women is watching men sincerely apologize for the crap they have done…
Cool aunt forces everyone to smoke pot this Christmas
BARRIE, ON — Since the legalization of marijuana, Canadians who originally demonized the drug are trying marijuana for the first time. Thus causing first time user, Cathy Lowe, to share her…
Elementary school kid looks forward to only wearing snow pants for the next 4 months
KINGSTON, ON — As the winter season kicks into full gear, Grade 4 student, Daniel Ready, is officially prepared to only dress in his snowpants for the next 4 months. “I love when my clothes…
New winter boots promise to make your feet either extremely hot or a little wet
TORONTO – Boot manufacturers throughout Canada have finally given up and announced that all boots bought for winter 2019 will either make your feet uncomfortably hot or a little wet. “Have …
STUDY: TV shows made for teens exclusively consumed by mid-thirties viewers
LOS ANGELES — A recent study has proven that television specifically written for the teenage demographic is exclusively being consumed by people in their thirties. “At first we were flatter…
Woman who refused toothpick, really “going for it” with fingernail
VICTORIA, BC — In a tense moment at the dinner table Jessica Trevors declined a toothpick and has taken to fully using her fingernail to get “whatever it is” out of her teeth. “I thought ma…
Woman discovers entire personality is complaining about being tired
HAMILTON, ON — After finally benefitting from a restful night’s sleep due to a Daylight Savings mishap, Vera Woods, has officially realized that her personality only consists of complaining…