WINNIPEG – A local Shoppers Drug Mart has spurred rumours of the apocalypse after its pharmacy opted to pick up the phone. The Shoppers pharmacy has become so notorious for its lack of communication w...
Man stranded on desert island regrets bringing favourite album instead of flare gun
PACIFIC OCEAN – According to nautical sources, 36-year-old Damian Clarke regrets not bringing fundamental survival supplies to an abandoned island in favour of packing 3 Doors Down’s smash hit debut ...
I’ve been silent for 21 months of genocide, but this one editorial criticizing Israel will prove I’ve always been on the right side of history
By: Martin Olsen, Syndicated Columnist The images coming out of Gaza are horrendous. Mothers holding starving babies, children crying out for food, people collapsing in the street from hunger. They ar...
Mark Carney seeks to reach young Canadians by delivering speech in form of rap
OTTAWA – Facing resistance to proposed austerity measures as well as criticism of his handling of US trade talks, Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced plans to reach millennial Canadians in ...
Trump places 200 percent tariffs on Donkey Kong Country
Donkey Kong Island, DK – Trump has announced that he will be placing a 200 percent tariff on all products imported from Donkey Kong Country. “We’ve been subsidizing Donkey Kong for too long,” ex...
The 100 names Ghislaine Maxwell named as being on the Epstein List
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Ghislaine Maxwell, former girlfriend of financier and convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, has reportedly offered up a list of 100 names of individuals who are connected to ...
Millennials increasingly depressed they’ll never be able to tell children to get off their lawn
TORONTO – A recent housing survey suggests that the uptick in melancholy exhibited by the millennial generation is the result of realizing that they will never be able to yell at children on the...
Sleepiness credit non-transferable between couch and bed
BRANDON, MB — A local woman has discovered that her accrued credit in sleepiness does not transfer from her couch to her bed. Cory Lachlan, 26, made the disturbing discovery when she finally decided t...
Hulk Hogan declared dead after paramedic’s elbow drop fails to restart heart
CLEARWATER, FL – Hulk Hogan, who helped lead professional wrestling’s rise in popularity in the 1980s and beyond, was pronounced dead on Thursday after first responders were unable to resu...
Carney guarantees that his policies will transform Canada into four corporations in a trench coat
“It’ll be an economic miracle!” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Craig Fay) talk the government’s attempt to consult with Indigenous Peoples about Bill C-5 after the fact,...
