Montreal, QC – In a surprising show of good faith, Montreal Canadiens fans removed their long-standing burning effigy of NHL forward Chris Kreider after it was announced that he would be joining the t...
Canada Investment Summit attendees enter raffle to win PEI
TORONTO – Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Canada Investment Summit, in which executives and global asset managers have gathered to discuss investing hundreds of trillions into Canada’s ...
Tech oligarchs agree calling AI “too dangerous” way cooler than just admitting it doesn’t work
SILICON VALLEY – The CEOs of OpenAI, Anthropic, and GrokAI have released a statement agreeing that claiming artificial intelligence “could potentially kill all humans” sounds much mo...
Desperate Poilievre announces “Fuck A Fan” contest
OTTAWA – With his Conservative Party trailing the governing Liberals by double digits in recent opinion polling, a desperate Pierre Poilievre today announced his latest plan to boost his popular...
Trump notes that falling asleep onstage at 9/11 ceremony technically counts as moment of silence
ARLINGTON COUNTY, VA – Awakening briefly, President Trump addressed Americans assembled to pay their respects to the victims of the September 11th attacks, insisting that his mid-morning nap con...
Trump reminisces about how he single-handedly prevented 9/11 from ever happening
WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump waxed nostalgic about how he single-handedly prevented the September 11 terrorist attacks from ever happening. Trump told a group of supporters that, if it...
Local woman betrays family history by eating at different chain restaurant
Moncton, NB – A local family says they are looking for answers after their mother openly chose to eat at a different rotisserie chicken chain. Trudy Daly, 45 and mother of three, is accused of b...
Counter-Tariffs take effect as Canadians brace for life without American truck nutz
OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, namely c...
Canada confirms defence strategy against invasion mainly waiting for Americans to die from preventable illnesses
OTTAWA – Last weekend, Canada’s Ministry of National Defence confirmed their main strategy to fend off a potential invasion from the United States is to wait for American forces to be kill...
Hilroy to remove additional province from map of Canada every year until demands met
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Earlier this week Canadians noticed that Hilroy had excluded Newfoundland and Cape Breton from the map of Canada on the cover of their latest notebooks. Today, the company confirmed ...
