EDMONTON – As Alberta suffers its worst measles outbreak since the 1980s, Premier Danielle Smith has called on Albertans to demand a better deal from the airborne disease. “As we all know, medical s...
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
VANCOUVER – Just days after appointing MP Don Davies as their interim leader, the federal NDP have announced that the role will be permanently filled by Vancouver Canucks former head coach Rick ...
Carney resists urge to teach Trump meaning of words “tariff”, “economy”, and “chair”
“I think Trump’s greatest dream is to have a podcast where he is both the host and always the guest.” Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and speci...
In embarrassing snafu, starting line-up of St. Louis Cardinals included in Conclave to elect new pope
VATICAN CITY – In a clear administrative error by the Holy See, the recently convened Conclave to choose the next pope has mistakenly included both the entire College of Cardinals as well as the start...
“At least Mel Gibson is still a good guy,” states man with the memory of a grape
Oakville, ON – Local goldfish Tim Wells just admitted while the news about how bad Neil Gaiman is, he’s glad that his favourite actor Mel Gibson still has a clean slate. “Thank god he’s never do...
Conservatives double down and pick older, whiter man
OTTAWA – The Progressive Conservative party has dropped Pierre Poilievre as its leader in favour of an even older, whiter man – Andrew Scheer. “It’s an honour to be replaced by someone les...
24 Sussex officially becomes Brookfield Property
OTTAWA – Brookfield Property Partners (TSX: BPYPP) a real estate company of Brookfield Asset Management Inc., proudly announced today their new acquisition of marquee Ottawa heritage property 24...
Canada upsets Puerto Rico and Washington DC by cutting statehood line
Washington DC – After months of Trump pontificating that Canada would make a great state, the US Department of the Interior has updated its “Statehood Waitlist.” Canada now has the top spot on t...
Trump puts 100% tariff on movies that force him to read
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After accidentally watching the South Korean film Parasite on Air Force One, Donald Trump has signed an executive order placing a 100% tariff on any movie that forces him to read...
Jagmeet Singh looking forward to chill summer, maybe taking an improv class
BURNABY, B.C. – Facing increased scrutiny since leading his party to a painful election day loss, former NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has revealed his future plans to be, “A whole lotta not much.” Speakin...
