YOUR HOME – According to local astrologists, the planet Mercury hates your guts and is coming to kill you and everyone you love. “What your friends and family want you to do and what you need to do d...
US Ambassador threatens to tariff, annex, and bomb Canada if anti-American sentiment doesn’t improve
OTTAWA – U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra has vowed to improve anti-American sentiment he sees in Canada, no matter how many illegal tariffs, forced annexations, or literal bombs it takes to do it....
“Charlie Kirk would have wanted us to get anyone criticizing his views fired,” says man accurately describing why Charlie Kirk deserved criticism
“The guy who created a list of left-wing college professors he wanted fired for their views would want us to fire anyone who pointed out who he created a to be fired list.” Luke and the Pa...
US confirms contestants in all 2028 Olympic track events will be chased by ICE agents
WASHINGTON, DC – In a press conference today, US Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that all non-US track and field athletes will be chased by agents of United States Immigration and Cus...
Robert Munsch announces he will choose MAID program, also even sadder new ending to “Love You Forever”
GUELPH, ON – Canadian children’s author Robert Munsch announced this week that he he has chosen a medically assisted death because of his dementia diagnosis, as well as writing an updated ...
Alberta to require citizens to carry little picture of Danielle Smith in wallets
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta has declared all citizens must now carry a little picture of Premier Danielle Smith in their wallets. Smith made the announcement this week in front of a giant ima...
Gullible mother falls for voice cloning scam even though her son would obviously never call
NORVAL, ON ― A 74-year-old woman lost over $60 000 from her retirement savings yesterday in a sophisticated, but in her situation, quite obvious scam, police say. Gina Rossi was just preparing to go o...
Report: At this point we are just trying to figure who Canadian Parliament WON’T give a standing ovation to
OTTAWA – After members of the Canadian Parliament earlier today gave a standing ovation to recently deceased far-right agitator who touted white supremacist theories, Charlie Kirk, we here at Th...
Person you forgot was Ontario Liberal Party leader no longer Ontario Liberal Party leader
TORONTO – Bonnie Crombee (sp?), the person who has apparently been head of the Liberal Party of Ontario since 2023, is reportedly not doing that anymore. “Despite getting over 50% support ...
Gay friend ready for Halloween
MONTREAL – Your gay friend has officially announced that he is ready to celebrate Halloween, despite the non-civic holiday being 45 days away. Jamie Mathers, 29, made the proclamation on his Instagram...
