OTTAWA – After recently announcing passage of a host of new gun control laws in the wake of the deadly Uvalde, Texas school shooting, and re-affirming Canada’s support of legal abortion after the US Supreme Courts anticipated ruling striking down the landmark Roe V. Wade decision, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reiterated his promise to continue to time Canadian laws exclusively with American tragedies.
“My fellow Canadians. In the wake of these terrible tragedies in the United States, I felt it was the perfect time to introduce new laws in Canada, a completely separate country where these tragedies did not occur, and where most of these laws already exist,” said Trudeau.
Trudeau went on to lay out his governments plans to re-affirm safe access to abortion in Canada, where there are already no laws restricting the procedure from being performed, as well as introducing several new gun control measures, despite Canada already having a comprehensive gun control program.
“We know that Canada is a completely separate country where none of the events these laws are in response to actually occurred,” said PMO spokesperson Jeffrey Cole. “But if we pass laws in response to our own tragedies and events, those laws might actually be put to the test in a real way. Just imagine if we passed police reform laws in the wake of the RCMP’s response to the mass shooting in Nova Scotia. Total headache. But if the laws are in response to something that never happened here, then the efficacy of the laws is much more difficult to measure, and really makes us look like we’re taking action without any of the accountability that comes afterwards.”
Cole went on to explain that timing Canadian laws with American tragedies also increased the chance of US news paying attention, raising Canada’s profile on the world stage.
“We’d love to pass some laws tackling the housing crisis, but it just isn’t a part of the US news zeitgeist right now,” explained Cole. “Once the US housing crisis gets so bad it becomes a daily American news item like it is in Toronto or Vancouver, or the lack of affordable housing leads to some sensational headline about someone applying for government-assisted suicide like in Ontario, we’ll definitely look into announcing some new laws, but until then if we announce new legislation no one in the US will pay attention.”
Cole added, “And if the American news media isn’t actively showering our Prime Minister with praise, what’s the point of even governing?”
In an interview on CBC’s The House, Trudeau echoed a similar sentiment. “We want the world to be watching Canada as an example. I’d love to explore electoral reform. But until reforming the US electoral college system becomes a hot topic in the US, we’ll never receive sufficient attention and adulation when we do something about our own electoral system,” said Trudeau, who mentioned he has a series of CNN News alerts set up on his phone to help guide new legislation.
Noting that it’s currently Pride Month, Trudeau also hinted that his government was mulling over additional laws to protect gay rights, but was just waiting for a sufficiently high-profile anti-gay hate crime to occur in the US before announcing the new laws to ensure maximum buzz value and praise.