TORONTO – After the provincial vaccination website opened to residents looking to book their second dose became slow, unwieldy, and inaccurate, web-designers hired for the job confronted the unforeseen possibility that people would actually want to log on to the site.
“This is a goddamn nightmare,” reported Drew Sanders, lead designer, “People still listen to the provincial government’s announcements? Who could have seen that coming?”
“We didn’t think this [life saving vaccine registration] site would get more hits than the last website we developed, which was a blog devoted to ranking the best episodes of mid-90s Canadian cartoon Reboot,” he added.
After moving up availability for second vaccine doses, the website reportedly slowed access, offered appointments that were actually unavailable, and showed 404 screens to users who had been waiting for hours.
“I don’t know what went wrong,” Sanders continued, “I asked the government for directions and followed everything they said by letter. Especially the confusing and conflicting stuff. It would work if people weren’t so insistent on using it.”
Health Minister Christine Elliot told Ontarians in a press conference today that, despite system errors, residents should still attempt to book their second dose.
“Granted, there aren’t a lot of appointments available now” she stated “but some may open up this afternoon. Or tomorrow. But definitely by the weekend… Maybe.”
Elliot added that the government will take emergency action if necessary, namely by asking the team behind Vax Hunters Canada if they know how to use joomla.
Industry experts have offered their help, with tips ranging from making cookies disclaimers take up more of the screen, to each link redirecting to a different, completely fucking unrelated page.