TORONTO – A conclusive study by the University of Toronto has found that trying to exit the subway via doors that are not on the same side as the platform is just about the most humiliating…
Tag: subway
Everyone on subway trying not to pet seeing eye dog
TORONTO – A tense standoff is currently taking place on a TTC subway car between its passengers and a guide dog that everyone is desperately trying not to touch. “I’m terrified I’m actually going…
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow
TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Cana…
5 books to hold on your commute while you think about quitting your job
Commuting can be a peaceful transitory period for busy professionals. It’s a chance to listen to your favourite podcast, swallow sadly, and hold a book in your hands while reading the same page o…
Doug Ford vows to fire entire board of Hydro One if elected to board of Hydro One
TORONTO – Ontario PC leader Doug Ford has vowed to fire the CEO and board of Hydro One, once he wins the Hydro One board of directors election he assumes is happening soon. “It has been bro…
Breaking: TTC Presto gate worked one time
TORONTO – Sources report that on Saturday morning a Presto gate at the TTC’s Ossington station worked one time, allowing a single passenger to pay their fare and enter the subway system. “I could…
Man who brought TTC into the 20th century resigns
TORONTO – Addressing a crowd of reporters, Andy Byford, the man who worked tirelessly for the last five years to bring the Toronto Transit Commission into the twentieth century made public …
Toronto-York subway line to open day after you graduate from York
TORONTO – The TTC has confirmed that the opening date for the new Toronto York-Spadina Subway Extension (TYSSE) will be the day after you graduate from York University, whenever that may be…
