HEAVEN – In an unprecedented public statement earlier this week, God, the Supreme Lord and Master of the Universe, Blessed be He, issued a heartfelt apology for the creation and proliferation of …
Tag: religion
Viral video: ultra orthodox Jews touch crustaceans for the first time
NEW YORK — A video showing a group of ultra orthodox Jews touching crabs, lobsters, shrimp and oysters for the first time is going viral worldwide. The website that produced the five minute…
Ireland votes to legalize open bar gay weddings
IRELAND – After a long fight over equality, Ireland has voted to legalize marriages between any same-sex couples that are willing to pay the tab. “Weddings are a beautiful thing,” said Iris…
Saguenay city council retaliates against SC ruling by spiking water supply with Holy Water
SAGUENAY – The secular community was up in arms Wednesday after discovering the council had passed a motion to mix Holy Water with the city’s main water supply to ‘bless the heathens living in si…
If God wanted us to die with dignity he wouldn’t have revoked Dying with Dignity’s charity status
BY: FATHER MATTHEW O’REILLY Over the past few decades I have been pained to see Canada straying into Godlessness, from allowing abortions to letting the gays marry. Finally, however, the Harper g…
God asks Jean Béliveau for two autographs, one for his son
HEAVEN’S GATES – After his recent passing, legendary Montreal Canadiens Jean Béliveau has already received a request for two autographs by God. “Holy flying Buddha!” exclaimed the deity for…
Satan rejects endorsements from shitty metal bands
Hell via Des Moines, Iowa – Earlier today, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, officially rejected endorsements from “shitty” metal bands, who constantly praise Him in their lyrics. Th…
World’s major deities mutually agree to give up on humans and try luck with different species
THE HEAVENS – The world’s major religious deities have mutually agreed to give up on human beings and start fresh with a new species. Citing current international atrocities and a long hist…
United Church scales back inclusiveness by adding in height requirement
TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Pat…
God makes surprise appearance at World Pride parade
TORONTO – As the World Pride parade drew to a close on Sunday, crowds received a special treat when the Creator of the Universe unexpectedly arrived on a specially designed float. “Wh…