IRELAND – After a long fight over equality, Ireland has voted to legalize marriages between any same-sex couples that are willing to pay the tab.
“Weddings are a beautiful thing,” said Irish citizen, Jamie O’Shaughnessy. “The flowers, the free beer, the ceremony, the free whiskey, the fistfights with relatives, not paying for booze… I think I’m going to cry.”
This is the first time that any country has used the popular vote to legalize same-sex marriage, an accomplishment that many Irish believe is “good enough” to warrant a few pints.
“This is truly a historic event,” said PM Enda Kenny. “Now gay and lesbian couples can celebrate their bond with a beautiful ceremony that doesn’t skimp on Jameson and won’t require guests to tip.”
Most of the largely Catholic nation expressed pleasure following the referendum results, but warned that it would be a cold day in hell before they attended a fucking Protestant ceremony.