Due to capitalism and the fact that we weren’t all born into the Weston family, Canadians work lots of jobs. Here are the worst ones in each province. Newfoundland: The cod everyone kisses …
Tag: McDonalds
McDonald’s releases Big Mac Sauce-flavoured lube
Brantford, ON – McDonald’s just announced the release of its new Big Mac sauce-flavoured personal lubricant. Following the success of the Chicken Big Mac and Big Mac sauce dip, the fast-food gian…
Hamburglar’s crime spree escalates to vehicular hamslaughter
MCDONALDLAND – A citywide manhunt has begun for the Hamburglar after his petty criminal streak escalated to include several counts of vehicular hamslaughter. “We do what we can to fight rec…
Friend group excited to spend all of Nuit Blanche trying to find each other
TORONTO – With Nuit Blanche expected to return for the first time since the pandemic, a local group of buddies is excited to spend the whole event unsuccessfully trying to meet up. “It’s go…
“And m’lady will have the McNuggets” says modern chevalier
EDMONTON – A scene straight out of an old-fashioned romance is unfolding at the West Edmonton Mall McDonald’s as a modern knight is ordering his date’s meal for her. “Tell me, do you desire both …
Pizza Pizza to start delivering gross slice you only buy because it’s 2am and you’re drunk
TORONTO – With COVID restrictions cutting into their customer base of ‘people who wandered in drunk because they recognized the orange sign’ Pizza Pizza has announced that they …
Companies furious employees choosing CERB over work briefly consider paying more
TORONTO – Companies outraged that employees would choose to take the $2,000.00 Emergency Response Benefit over returning to work 40-50 hours per week in the midst of a pandemic briefly cons…
Local man convinces self he’s having good time at back of concert
TORONTO – A local man standing alone at the back of a rap concert at the Rebel Entertainment Complex assures himself that he is having a good time, maybe even better than those at the front. “Hon…
McDonald’s unveils all-day breakfast in Canada to stress-test healthcare system
TORONTO – McDonald’s Canada announced today that it will begin serving all-day breakfast in order to stress-test the country’s socialized healthcare system. The menu will feature a selectio…
Rideau Street collapses under weight of bathroom lineup for Byward Market McDonalds
OTTAWA – City of Ottawa engineers have determined that the sinkhole on Rideau Street was caused by the weight of the multitudes lined up to use the restroom at the McDonalds leading into th…