It’s been a rocky pandemic, and breaking up with your significant other who you’ve fallen out of love with, and moving out just seems like a big hassle this year. Not to mention, couples costumes…
Tag: Harry Potter
“I’m just happy to be here” says thick book propping up laptop
MOOSE JAW, SK – As more people work remotely than ever before, there are millions of thick books happily propping up their laptops. On the Origin of Species, the foundational book of the fi…
New Harry Potter TV show will only go ahead if J.K. Rowling can personally inspect the genitals of everyone involved
LOS ANGELES – A new live-action Harry Potter television show is reportedly in very early development at HBO Max, and while no producers, directors, writers or actors have yet been attached,…
I support free speech unless someone tells me I am wrong
By J.K. Rowling Dear Potterheads, I know you may be angry with me about some recent ‘truth potions’ I threw your way. But before you go and judge me please remember; I will sue you. I feel it is …
Study: You’re not a Slytherin, you’re an asshole
Cambridge, MA – A recent study by the Harvard school of Witchcraft and Wizardry has revealed that being a Slytherin does not pardon you from being an asshole. “The purpose of the study was …
Amid J.K. Rowling controversy, local woman can finally admit she has never read any Harry Potter books
HALIFAX, N.S. – Following controversial comments made by J.K. Rowling on the validity of trans women, 36 year old Heather Markowski can finally admit she has never read any of the Harry Pot…
Oops! JK Rowling’s new children’s book has a 60-page TERF manifesto in the middle
LONDON, UK – Harry Potter author JK Rowling has come under fire after her new children’s book The Ickabog was published online with a novella-length TERF manifesto in the middle. “It was we…
J. K. Rowling announces that Hermione is a TERF
EDINBURGH – In the latest of a slew of Harry Potter retconning, J. K. Rowling recently tweeted that the beloved know-it-all Hermione Granger is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist who is …
JK Rowling reveals Harry Potter voted against Brexit
EDINBURGH – Continuing her trend of making proclamations about her characters’ personal lives, Harry Potter author JK Rowling announced this week that her titular boy wizard voted “remain” in the…
Trudeau invests in Confederate Soldier’s uniform for next visit to White House
OTTAWA – After being photographed in a traditional sherwani on his trip to India, Justin Trudeau is committing to dressing for his surroundings by purchasing an authentic Confederate soldier’s un…