DAWSON CITY, YK – Local woman Tess Coleman has reportedly exclaimed “hey, that actor was in Harry Potter” every five seconds, while watching a British TV show. “Here I am, watching the Serv…
Tag: Harry Potter
This streamer made sad faces while playing Hogwarts Legacy to show everyone they’re not transphobic
VANCOUVER – In an effort to assure his fans, advertisers, and the internet at large that he is not transphobic, Twitch star John Dalton made certain to make sad faces throughout today’s Hog…
JK Rowling releases new book where Umbridge is the hero
EDINBURGH, UK – Author JK Rowling has released a new book featuring a retelling of the Harry Potter story, but from the point of view of one of her most hated characters, Professor Dolores …
6 Halloween couples costumes that say “We’re only dating for the couples costumes”
It’s been a rocky pandemic, and breaking up with your significant other who you’ve fallen out of love with, and moving out just seems like a big hassle this year. Not to mention, couples costumes…
“I’m just happy to be here” says thick book propping up laptop
MOOSE JAW, SK – As more people work remotely than ever before, there are millions of thick books happily propping up their laptops. On the Origin of Species, the foundational book of the fi…
New Harry Potter TV show will only go ahead if J.K. Rowling can personally inspect the genitals of everyone involved
LOS ANGELES – A new live-action Harry Potter television show is reportedly in very early development at HBO Max, and while no producers, directors, writers or actors have yet been attached,…
I support free speech unless someone tells me I am wrong
By J.K. Rowling Dear Potterheads, I know you may be angry with me about some recent ‘truth potions’ I threw your way. But before you go and judge me please remember; I will sue you. I feel it is …
Study: You’re not a Slytherin, you’re an asshole
Cambridge, MA – A recent study by the Harvard school of Witchcraft and Wizardry has revealed that being a Slytherin does not pardon you from being an asshole. “The purpose of the study was …
Amid J.K. Rowling controversy, local woman can finally admit she has never read any Harry Potter books
HALIFAX, N.S. – Following controversial comments made by J.K. Rowling on the validity of trans women, 36 year old Heather Markowski can finally admit she has never read any of the Harry Pot…
Oops! JK Rowling’s new children’s book has a 60-page TERF manifesto in the middle
LONDON, UK – Harry Potter author JK Rowling has come under fire after her new children’s book The Ickabog was published online with a novella-length TERF manifesto in the middle. “It was we…
