NATIONWIDE – After spending the last month in seasonally-affected misery, the nation has emerged, just in time to also spend the next month in a complete funk. “Thank god this bout of depre…
Tag: god
God apologizes for snakes
HEAVEN – In an unprecedented public statement earlier this week, God, the Supreme Lord and Master of the Universe, Blessed be He, issued a heartfelt apology for the creation and proliferation of …
Richard Dawkins insists his empty birthday party just proof God does not exist
LONDON – Seated alone in a TGI Fridays Bar and Grill, at an extra-large table which he himself reserved, Richard Dawkins smugly asserted that this sad tableau never would have been allowed …
Pine tree sacrificed to Christian gods
CHRISTENDOM – As part of a millennia long religious practice, pine trees around the globe have been murdered and offered as sacrifice to please the three Christian Gods and their prophet, …
Scientists at University of the Lord discover that Jesus is Lord
BARN GLORY, ON – A surprising new study from University of the Lord has revealed that Jesus Christ, and not anybody else, is Lord. “We started from the premise that somebody had to be Lord,…
God orders recall of several million white men
HEAVEN – Citing easily damaged feelings, an ego that improperly inflates, and a tendency to dangerously explode for no reason, the All-Supreme Being has ordered a massive recall of white me…
If God wanted us to die with dignity he wouldn’t have revoked Dying with Dignity’s charity status
BY: FATHER MATTHEW O’REILLY Over the past few decades I have been pained to see Canada straying into Godlessness, from allowing abortions to letting the gays marry. Finally, however, the Harper g…
God asks Jean Béliveau for two autographs, one for his son
HEAVEN’S GATES – After his recent passing, legendary Montreal Canadiens Jean Béliveau has already received a request for two autographs by God. “Holy flying Buddha!” exclaimed the deity for…
World’s major deities mutually agree to give up on humans and try luck with different species
THE HEAVENS – The world’s major religious deities have mutually agreed to give up on human beings and start fresh with a new species. Citing current international atrocities and a long hist…
God makes surprise appearance at World Pride parade
TORONTO – As the World Pride parade drew to a close on Sunday, crowds received a special treat when the Creator of the Universe unexpectedly arrived on a specially designed float. “Wh…