HOWLING VOID – Charlaine and Zach Cooper are livid after an error in their Google Maps app caused them to drive straight into the howling void. “You hear about Google accidentally sending p…
Tag: Dumb Week
Historians uncover identity of the anus that the planet Uranus is named after
VIENNA – Historians focusing on the development of the study of astronomy have finally uncovered the answer to a mystery that has long puzzled modern scientists: whose anus is the planet Uranus n…
Bruce Cockburn makes good on promise to obtain rocket launcher, kills son-of-a-bitch
PICTON, ON – Legendary Canadian musician Bruce Cockburn has made good on his threat from his 1984 hit, “If I had a Rocket Launcher” and has finally made someone pay. The 72-year-old prolifi…
Help! A tall, bald man appears in my house every time I mop the floor
You’re not going to believe this, and I’m scared to even admit it, but every time I mop my kitchen floor, a hairless man with an earring, dressed entirely in white. I first noticed three months a…
Local man starting to suspect shiny piece of plastic he bought is not actually bitcoin
REGINA – Timothy Bear has started to believe that they may be a slim chance that the 7 inch wide, shiny plastic coin he purchased may not be the piece of crypto currency that he initially t…
Worldwide bee extinction linked to Doug: The Amazing Bee-Eating Man
VANCOUVER – Scientists have finally narrowed down the cause of the mass bee extinction happening around the world to the activities of Doug Livingstone, professionally known as The Amazing Bee-Ea…
Orchestra scientists discover new superconductor
MONTREAL — McGill University researchers specializing in Orchestral Sciences have announced a newly discovered superconductor with astonishing implications for the future of music. “We now have a…
Lame firetruck barely on fire
LITTLE BAY, ON – For something that purports to be a truck of flame, one local engine can scarcely be said to be burning at all. “This is bullshit,” said local man Dave Menenzes. “You hear …
French Stewart casts deciding vote to expel German Stewart from Stewropean Union
BRUSSELS – Following weeks of debate and referendum, actor French Stewart has cast the decisive vote to have German Stewart removed from the European association of Stewarts known as the Stewrope…
