Help! A tall, bald man appears in my house every time I mop the floor - The Beaverton
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Help! A tall, bald man appears in my house every time I mop the floor

You’re not going to believe this, and I’m scared to even admit it, but every time I mop my kitchen floor, a hairless man with an earring, dressed entirely in white.

I first noticed three months ago when I was cleaning up for a small gathering of friends when he appeared after I poured the cleaning fluid into my bucket of warm water. He didn’t say anything to make his presence known. At first it was just a wave and a smile. Or was it a nod? I figured if I ignored him, he’d go away. So I continued. It wasn’t long before he stood before me, mop in hand, coaxing me to continue with him.

What do I do?

I don’t know what he wants. He never speaks. He only seems to want to aide in my cleaning. And it’s not just in corporeal form. Even after I’ve cleaned, he still appears in my spotless surfaces, my gleaming mirrors and my streak-free windows. I don’t know how many times I’ve turned around startled half to death after seeing his friendly smile and his piercing blue eyes staring back at me.

If his aim was to kill me, surely he would have done it already. Besides, that seems far too messy an act for him. It’s almost more frightening that his purpose is not malevolent. If he is not here to harm me, then why? Why does he come?

My best guess is that’s he’s a ghost of a former, fastidious owner. Or possibly some kind of super-cleanly inter-dimensional being who appears in human form, but cannot quite master our image, as he occupies that terrifying uncanny valley of a man replicated but not duplicated. Perhaps he is somehow summoned by the ritual of my cleaning? But what kind of angel (or demon) would that be? It seems the only way to get rid of him is to throw pasta sauce on the table. Or track mud through the house. Has anyone experienced this? Please help!

Also, not sure if these are related, but every time I eat cereal, a giant talking tiger tells me how great my breakfast choices are. So any advice on that is also appreciated.

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