SCARBOROUGH — After decades of the question being asked by frustrated bar patrons, the identity of the man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here has been definitively identified …
Tag: drinking
Health Canada clarifies alcohol won’t give you cancer if you eat a bunch of bread beforehand
OTTAWA — Following recommendations by the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) to put warning labels on alcohol, Health Canada has issued an advisory informing Canadians they can…
Ketchup Caesar named Canada’s inflation cocktail
LEAMINGTON, ON – As budgets tighten, ketchup has stepped up once again for the everyman. To say thanks, the Ketchup Caesar was just named Canada’s official inflation cocktail by the Professional …
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
LONDON, ON – In an effort to protect students and faculty against COVID-19 and being a buzzkill, Western University announced that everyone entering the campus must have had at least 3 shot…
Guy who’s about to puke really selling this “not gonna to puke” thing
London, Ontario – Western University student Kyle Layton gave the performance of his life at a kegger near his dormitory last night convincing the other party goers he was not going to puke…
MLB owners, players finally work out deal after remembering how much game means to the day drinking community
NEW YORK CITY – After months of negotiations, Major League Baseball players and owners ratified a collective bargaining agreement to save the 2022 season after remembering how much the spor…
Report: you can still get drunk and enjoy day off without it being in honour of Canada
OTTAWA – A new report has found that, despite what the media and your uncle claim, it is still possible to get drunk and enjoy July 1st without it being in honour of the country responsible…
Hungover virtual learning teacher points webcam at a Telefrancais video
Thunder Bay, ON – Ryan Strum, a local french teacher, has discovered a way to carry on the time honoured traditions of hungover teachers just playing a video in class by pointing his comput…
Doug Ford to reopen high schools after pressure from vodka cooler lobby
Caledon, ON – Doug Ford announced that secondary schools in Toronto, Peel Region, and York Region will resume in-person instruction February 16th, a move many believe was spurred by mountin…
Pizza Pizza to start delivering gross slice you only buy because it’s 2am and you’re drunk
TORONTO – With COVID restrictions cutting into their customer base of ‘people who wandered in drunk because they recognized the orange sign’ Pizza Pizza has announced that they …