Groundhog sees Jungian shadow, predicts everlasting winter of the soul
WIARTON, ON – Meteorologists were flabbergasted today when Wiarton Willie, the popular weather rodent, emerged from his burrow and was frightened by the sight of the dark, undesirable aspec…
Newfoundland spelling bee impossible to judge
ST JOHN’S, NL – A national spelling bee contest held in Newfoundland was cancelled this morning when judges deemed it was too difficult to determine what letters were being said aloud. “Hal…
Steven Harper commissions detailed report on human emotion
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has called on his council of Cabinet members to provide him with a detailed report on human emotion. Included in the request made earlier in the week,…
New Blackberry 10 allows users dozens of new ways to communicate about how shitty their Blackberry is
NEW YORK – Amid both fanfare and speculation about the device’s future, Research in Motion unveiled their new Blackberry 10 operating platform on Wednesday. The system, which will be availa…
Investigators conclude flying burnt skeletons cause of fiery plane crash
HAY RIVER, NWT – Transport Safety Board (TSB) Officials concluded today that a fiery plane wreck that resulted in millions in property damage was caused by burnt skeletons piloting the aircraft. …
Ontario Liberals historically elect first high-cheekboned, bespectacled premier who was also born in 1953
TORONTO – Political history was made in Toronto over the weekend when Kathleen Wynne became the first Liberal Leader of Ontario that wears glasses while having high cheekbones and who is op…
