How to protect yourself from the pollutants in wildfire smoke
Smoke from fires in Ontario, Quebec and Alberta has made their way into cities, where residents are reporting a campfire smell and hazy quality to the atmosphere. Unfortunately this haze carries …
5 iconic Toronto landmarks where it would be fun to find a body on the new Law & Order spinoff
Get your murder puns ready because iconic copaganda show Law & Order is heading north of the border! And while we could focus on CityTv’s choice to make yet another American spinoff ins…
“Ohh, I guess mirrors are woke now too?” claims conservative POC
AUSTIN, TX – In a very expected turn of events, local conservative person of colour Amol Khan has voiced outrage over what he perceives as yet another example of liberal indoctrination: wok…
Toronto actresses psyched to play dead bodies on new Law & Order: Toronto series
TORONTO – Actresses across Toronto rejoiced yesterday at the announcement that a spinoff of Dick Wolf’s famous “Law & Order” series would be set in their city, signalling a chance for t…
Torontonians endure another weekend in crime-ridden, drug-infested hellhole of a city
TORONTO – Thanks to Conservatives like Pierre Poilievre we know that Toronto is basically an open sewer where people shoot heroin on the street before attacking tourists with fireworks. Wel…
Toronto Goodwill asking people to stop donating Leafs jerseys
TORONTO – The regional board of Goodwill Industries has taken to social media to ask residents of the GTA to please stop leaving Maple Leafs jerseys in their used clothing bins and donation…
Ben & Jerry’s unveils new flavour, Bachelor Freezer Burn
VERMONT – Popular American ice cream manufacturer Ben & Jerry’s announced its latest flavour, today, coming to the public in the form of “Bachelor Freezer Burn”. According to founders,…
Desperate Nova Scotians sacrifice Theodore Tugboat to raging wildfire
HALIFAX – As multiple wildfires continue to burn across the province, Nova Scotians have decided as a last-ditch effort to sacrifice beloved life-sized children’s character Theodore Tugboat…
Rest of country relieved they can still look down on Alberta
OTTAWA – In the wake of Danielle Smith’s re-election as Alberta Premier, the other Provinces and Territories breathed a sigh of relief that, if nothing else, they can continue to shit…
Toronto’s affordable housing plan revealed to be stapling hammocks to the sides of new condos
TORONTO – Canada’s largest city released an updated affordable housing plan this morning, the highlight of which was a policy to make new condo developers staple two or three burlap hammocks to t…
