RCMP wonders how evil they’ll be in another 150 years
OTTAWA – After celebrating their 150th anniversary, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have started to wonder what level of unspeakable villainy they will be able to achieve after reaching t…
Every Gord Ranked
We got bored and ranked the Gords. A few rules before we dive in. 1. Only Canadians allowed. Sorry Gordon Ramsay 2. We are only considering famous and/or notable Gords. So you won’t find yo…
Trudeau announces he will ban inflation
OTTAWA – In a bold legislative move to combat the ongoing rise in inflation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he plans to declare the unavoidable byproduct of the modern monetary…
Canada hits 40 million people, 40 available houses
OTTAWA – The federal government has announced that Canada has hit a major landmark, as a 40th house came onto the market just as the national population reached 40 million. “When Canada was found…
Lonely man goes out looking like shit to ensure he runs into at least 3 people he knows
TORONTO – Feeling a bit lonely and without community local man Marcus Bailey has decided to go for a walk while looking absolutely terrible to guarantee he runs into several friends and acq…
Danielle Smith decries Big Tech censorship after she forgets password for Swiss Chalet website
CALGARY – After claiming that Big Tech censored her facebook account with little evidence Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is now claiming that they have gone a step further and cut off her a…
Atlantic Canadians finally learn the secret ingredient in Chris Brothers pepperoni: Chris’s Brother
HALIFAX – The Atlantic provinces are abuzz at the news that the region’s favourite deli, Chris Brothers, has finally revealed the secret to its famed pepperoni: Chris’s brother. Speaking fr…
New Netflix prompt invites users to log into The Pirate Bay every 31 days
TORONTO – Amid ongoing crackdowns on password sharing, Netflix executives have announced they will be rolling out a new prompt inviting users to log into popular torrenting site “The Pirate…
[Team] wins Stanley Cup
NORTH AMERICAN CITY – After a hard-fought series that went [number] games, the Stanley Cup has been awarded to [team], a victory by the [favourites/underdogs] that many analysts [predicted/failed…
