OTTAWA – The Conservative government has announced plans to amp up their election advertisements by releasing 35 million new attack ads aimed at smearing each living Canadian. “Unfortunately, ou...
Pan Am games to hold all hurdling competitions on Highway 400 HOV lane
TORONTO – Less than 48 hours before opening ceremonies, the Pan Am games organizers have announced that the 110 and 400 metre hurdle events will be moved from the stadium at York University to t...
BC wildfires destroy world’s oldest grow-op
PORT ALBERNI – In a development that has many British Columbia residents shocked, a 82-year-old marijuana grow-operation, known affectionately to residents as ‘Old Wheezy’, was destroyed after fires s...
Nation waits for more Bill Cosbys to come forward before believing Bill Cosby rape accusations
HOLLYWOOD – Following the release of documents revealing that Bill Cosby himself admitted to obtaining prescription Quaaludes to have sex with women, a skeptical nation has resolved to give the ...
PMO event staff ask cameras to leave journalists at the door
OTTAWA – As part of their continued desire to maintain a journalism free zone around the PM, the PMO has announced this week that while cameras may continue to attend the Prime Minister’s ...
Girlfriend scientists find 99% of food too spicy
GUELPH, ON – Research done by girlfriend scientists at the University of Guelph has uncovered that nearly all food is far too hot and/or spicy. The study involved the tasting of hundreds of norm...
Local woman super pumped to carry La Senza bag on subway
TORONTO — Local woman Chelsea Burney told reporters that she was “really looking forward” to carrying a 14 by 22-inch bag bearing the highly recognizable logo of women’s lingerie store La Senza on her...
Nerdy children live out dreams at Bully Fantasy Camp
ONODOGA, ONTARIO – Camp Wannapoundya, billed as “North America’s first bully fantasy camp,” offers weak and harassed children the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live out their fantasies of tormenti...
Air Canada asks for more bomb threats to excuse poor service
TORONTO – After a series of false bomb threats made against WestJet flights, Air Canada is requesting more threats be made against its own aircraft as an alibi for its poor service. “We are Cana...
Stephen Harper slams current government for mishandling economy
OTTAWA – With the 2015 election just around the corner, Stephen Harper has launched a major political offensive, lambasting the current government for its mismanagement of the nation’s finances....
