Tristan Bradley, Author at The Beaverton

Irving lays off province of New Brunswick

SAINT JOHN, N.B. — At a press conference this morning J.D. Irving Ltd. announced that they were going to start “folding up operation” of the bilingual province of 751,171 people. “New Bruns…


CBC moves in with Dave following cuts

TORONTO – Reeling under cuts, CBC has begun to sell off its real estate holdings and moved into a two bedroom basement apartment with 26 year old recent graduate Dave Mullins. “CBC is proud…


Girlfriend scientists find 99% of food too spicy

GUELPH, ON – Research done by girlfriend scientists at the University of Guelph has uncovered that nearly all food is far too hot and/or spicy. The study involved the tasting of hundreds of…