Ontario schoolchildren: “Our parents aren’t mature enough for us to learn about sex”
TORONTO – Elementary school students across Ontario have begun to protest the province’s updated health and physical education curriculum, expressing concern that their parents aren’t “mentally d…
Victorious NDP dump barrel of crude on Rachel Notley
CALGARY – NDP staffers gathered around the newly elected Alberta NDP premiere Rachel Notley to celebrate her momentous underdog victory by pouring a barrel of fine crude over her head. “We fought…
Bill, Roy, and Chad concede defeat as Dale elected new premier of PEI
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – After a gruelling campaign that led candidates from the dock all the way to the old barn, Bill, Roy, and Chad have called it quits, and Dale has been elected Premier of…
Students forced to stay home over Ontario sex ed curriculum pass time sexting
TORONTO – Students held back from school Monday by parents protesting the proposed sex ed curriculum report they managed to make good use of their free time by snapping full frontal nudes and sen…
Harry Potter themed wedding begins with murder of groom’s parents
FREDERICTON – The themed wedding of Jane Danson and Peter Hartford, set in the wizarding world of Harry Potter, was reported to be “beautiful” and “heartwarming” despite the ceremony commen…
Kentucky Derby won by brown horsey
LOUISVILLE – The 2015 Kentucky Derby has been won by a handsome pony with a beautiful mane and soft, shiny coat. “It was magical,” said NBC analyst Randy Moss. “The horsey was so fast and f…
Kate Middleton immediately pregnant again
LONDON – Fans of the Royal Family across the Commonwealth rejoiced this afternoon as Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, announced she was once again pregnant, just hours after the birth …
Old woman looking at photo album with grandchildren just making it up as she goes
CAMBRIDGE, ON – At Green Lake Retirement Community on Thursday, Bertha Hallsworth, 82, was just making up names and stories about the pictures of people while looking at a photo album with …
Riot photographer asks peaceful protestors to get out of his shot
BALTIMORE – Freelance photographer Erik Meiteen, known for his shots of looters in Ferguson, had a great chance to document the “shocking” and “apocalyptic” levels of violence network news …
White man pretty sure he needs to weigh in on this conversation
TORONTO – As racial tensions rise, LGBTQ issues become mainstream, and women’s rights are attacked, local Caucasian male Robert Wiser finally feels he has been silent for long enough. “I th…
