TORONTO – Famed drummer Neil Peart has stunned the music world by announcing that he is set to retire in approximately three months, just as soon as he finishes his current drum solo. Peart, a founding member of the Canadian rock band Rush, made the announcement Tuesday during a concert at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre.
“There comes a time in every musician’s life where he has to admit that enough is enough”, Peart shouted while simultaneously commencing an epic 12-hour fulcrum roll, “I’ve seen the writing on the wall and I think my retirement will probably happen sometime in the next few months, or whenever I wrap up this solo.”
Peart’s comments caught many off-guard. Fans have already begun buying up Rush merchandise in preparation for the news that Peart’s face-melting drum solo has finally ended and that he will therefore be hanging up his sticks for good. Others have opted to just sit back and enjoy the marathon jackhammer sound Peart is delivering as they witness the swan song of a music legend.
“I mean when he blasted into the solo two Thursdays ago in the middle of Spirit of Radio, I was like ‘whoa’ we’re in for something sick here,” said James Mitchell, a fan in attendance at the now-historic concert, “but then a few weeks later when he grabs the mic during the solo’s sweet two-day long double paradiddle on his multi-snare setup to tell us all he was retiring, we were just blown away. I knew then we only had another few precious weeks of blistering machine gun noise before it was official.”
“Boom boom ba-bats ba-bats ba-bats ba-bats, paratatatataat parrrrrrrrrraatatatatatat ch-kts ch-kts ch-kts tsh tsh tsh,” interjected Peart touchingly, “Skiddaboom boom boom skidda-tsh skidds-tsh dg dg dg dg dg dg KA-TSH!”
By Wednesday, Peart had used over 95% of his 360 degree rotating drum kit and had finally begun to slow the tempo. Many in the crowd speculated that the conclusion of a 35-hour xylophone portion signaled that the solo would soon come to an end. However, this was apparently an intentional misdirect by the musician, as he took the lull as an opportunity to lower a second drum kit from the rafters to keep the solo going, all the while thanking fans for their support as he makes his graceful, blistering exit.
“I mean, he pulls out a frickin’ Djembe!” enthused Mitchell, “Who DOES that?!”
The announcement is not without precedent. Van Morrison famously proclaimed that he was both retiring from touring and recommencing touring in the middle of a three week long keyboard solo during an Amsterdam concert. Jam band Phish is still in the midst of a largely improvised farewell version of Run Like an Antelope which was begun three years ago and shows no sign of abating.
“I’m going to use these final few months to wrap up my business affairs, deal with some lingering intellectual property issues with the band, maybe pen a few more deeply philosophical songs for the boys to use after I’m done, and, of course, keep the flow going on this solo and bring it to a real nasty peak,” Peart continued as he transitioned from a flam tap to a day-long exploration of the piccolo snare, “If I have any regrets it’ll be not being able to play any more with [bandmates] Geddy and Alex…. Oh and that double ratamacue section I launched into last Friday or Saturday – too long.”
