Hard hitting journalist wins ninth consecutive title fight

OTTAWA, ON – For the ninth year in row, featured correspondent for the Ottawa Citizen David Suplin has defended his title has National Journalist Fighting Lightweight champion. Suplin, know…

Man late to conversation wants to know what you guys are talking about

TORONTO – Recent studies have shown that local man Derek Waverly, who arrived late to your conversation at the office holiday party, is nonetheless interested in knowing what you guys are d…

City boy ain’t got the guts

THE PRAIRIES – Although he came in faking like he was hot shit, eyewitnesses at Scraggly Dan’s Saloon are reporting that this namby-pamby, suit-and-tie man don’t know what he’s getting hims…

Biological father, stepfather both show up to house wearing Santa costumes

CALGARY – Joshua Hughes, 7, suffered a mild Christmas trauma today when William Hughes, his biological father, burst into the family home in a Santa costume when stepfather James Cohen was …

CBC sends Justin Trudeau holiday gift basket complete with artisanal CBC donation box

OTTAWA – In the spirit of the season, Prime Minister Trudeau has received a gift basket from the CBC filled with shortbread cookies, dried fruits, and a beautifully hand-carved donation box…

My parents spanked me and I turned out to be a perfectly fine child abuser

BY: LACEY EMMANUEL Growing up as a child, my parents were assertive in their discipline and used various types of force when my siblings and I got out of line. Without this type of necessary puni…

Gun rights to play important role at this year’s Teddy Bear Picnic

Woods, Forest – The annual gathering of Teddy Bears for a picnic and all around gay time, has been met with controversy this year, due to Teddy Bear gun rights activists wanting to bring th…

Canadians celebrate annual ritual of buying eggnog and remembering it is disgusting

TORONTO – Toronto resident Peter Behrendt was in for a completely predictable surprise this Sunday when he, for the 11th year in a row, bought a litre of eggnog, had a sip, and then immediately s…

Sony Records releases Favorite Family Fights of the Holidays CD

NEW YORK — Just in time for the Holidays, Sony Records has released a special edition, limited time offer CD set of your Favorite Family Fights of the Holidays. With over 100 fights to list…

Rescue workers untangle Ralph Goodale from giant ball of Christmas lights

OTTAWA — Rescue workers rushed to Parliament Hill earlier today after Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Ralph Goodale managed to entangle himself in a giant ball of Christmas l…