WINDSOR, ON – Following the destruction of his friend Dave at the hands of a vampire slayer this afternoon, local man Mark Fresno has expressed mild surprise at the manner of his friend’s passing.
“It was a bit unexpected,” said Fresno. “Usually you think it’s going to be old age or some kind of accident.”
“Nope, stake through the heart.”
Fresno has reported to police and news outlets that the incident occurred while he and Dave were walking down Queen Street, when the suspect in question ran around a corner screaming ‘Back to hell from whence ye caaaaame!’
“Yeah, and then he was like ‘Arrghhhh’,” said Fresno, mimicking a jumping kick. “Then he was all swinging his arms around, and then he threw some garlic and stuff. It was actually pretty cool.”
“Uh, besides the killing Dave thing. I guess.”
The body of Dave is now with coroners, but it has yet to be determined whether the victim was in fact a horrible blood-drinking creature of the night.
“Well he hasn’t turned into to dust or anything,” said chief coroner on the case Maggie Parsons. “But he’s really pale, and some of his teeth are kind of sharp? I don’t know, man. I’m a doctor, not some kind of vampire expert.”
At press time, police had easily tracked the suspected killer to Windsor’s only known repeating crossbow retailer and had begun a heated pursuit on foot.
