Donald Trump: “Some of my best friends are in databases”
NEW YORK — In a loud and unpleasant conversation with reporters, US presidential candidate Donald J. Trump defended statements made earlier in the week in which he said he was open to the i…
Liberals blame unexpected $3B deficit on Tory fiscal plan of ‘no payments til 2015’
OTTAWA – After announcing that the federal government had incurred an unexpected deficit of three billion dollars for 2015, the new Liberal government strongly suggested that the previous C…
Local man builds actual adult life out of LEGO
KAMLOOPS – Local “LEGO Enthusiast” Mike Dobson has assembled a detailed representation of a functional adult life using the famous interlocking brick toys, which in no way resembles his act…
Tom Lukiwski insists he “never called that filthy slut a whore”
MOOSE JAW – Conservative MP Tom Lukiwiski denied calling an NDP female politician a whore, insisting he used the words “dirty slut” instead. Lukiwiski was quick to blame what he calls the ‘libera…
Best experience of theatre student’s life gets two stars
VANCOUVER – Despite receiving universally lukewarm reviews, 19-year old theatre major Kristen Stolley has declared her 5-show run on UBC Follies Rent to be the best thing that has ever happ…
Retailers across Canada brace for Hanukkah rush
CANADA – As November nears its conclusion, stores both big and small across the nation have begun preparing for the massive Hanukkah crowds. “Oh yes, it’s far and away the busiest time of t…
Security screenings implemented to protect refugees from Canadians
OTTAWA – In light of the recent attacks against muslims in Canada, the federal government will now require all citizens to be thoroughly screened for racism and tendency toward hate crimes …
Oxford Dictionaries finally appealing to illiterate audiences
Oxford, UK — Oxford University Press, the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionaries, has announced it will be replacing all words with ideograms and smileys to make the massive, descript…
Domino’s Pizza introduces new ‘30 minutes or it’s probably not coming’ promotion
ANN ARBOR – In a move that has stunned the fast food industry, Domino’s Pizza has unveiled a new delivery policy for its customers: Your pizza delivered in 30 minutes or it’s probably not coming …
Syrian refugees relieved they won’t end up in Saskatchewan
BEIRUT — Syrian refugees expected to arrive in Canada were consoled by the fact that they are not welcome to live in Saskatchewan following Premier Brad Wall’s concerns that some of them ma…
