Pious Ontarians celebrate miraculous birth of Governor Simcoe

TORONTO – Thousands of devout Ontarians are celebrating one of the most holiest of provincial days marking the birth of Governor John Graves .

Across the province, citizens gathered around statues, streets, and parking lots named after the first Lieutenant Governor of Upper Canada who governed Canada for at least six years.

Many sang praises of how the colonial officer and administrator nearly freed the slaves. “He was the first to enact legislation that would free the slaves, except for the ones who were currently being held as slaves and the children of slaves until they were 25 years of age,” explained Tom Regimbald who walked a 200 km pilgrimage to Queen’s Park just to see Simcoe’s statue. “But he performed the miracle of freeing all future slaves; the first in the British Empire!”

Others chastised those who failed to recognized the importance of the first Monday of August .

“I still get offended when people wish me a ‘Happy ,’” explained Gavin Walsh, a proud Ontarian. “It’s ‘Merry John Graves Simcoe Day’ and it will always be that way.”

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