Former teacher Trudeau cracking down on cell phones nationwide

OTTAWA – Calling on his training as a former french and math teacher, Prime Minister Trudeau has started cracking down on cellphone use across the country. “Look, I don’t want to be the bad…

Report: Notley stepping down would to lead to 300% increase in Conservative government jobs

ALBERTA – Conservative critics of the Alberta NDP took Premier Rachel Notley to task this afternoon, claiming that her actions have put dozens of Conservative Members of Provincial Parliame…

Toronto Star tourism section claims Whitehorse’s Superstore a must see

The Toronto Star has named the Real Canadian Superstore in Whitehorse as the top attraction to visit while in the Yukon Territory. In the article, travel columnist Jennifer Welsh says the throwba…

Finally, a holiday that excludes orphans

Editorial by: Karen McCrindle Only once a year can families across many of Canada’s provinces celebrate a day they can call their own without having accommodate for those countless, illegitimate …

Two Tinder bots really hitting it off

TORONTO – In a heartwarming Valentine’s Day development, chatbots Caleb and Brianna, initially programmed to fool and then defraud human users on the popular dating app Tinder, have allegedly swi…

Mediocre man seeks perfect woman

TIMMINS, ON – A local man seeks a muse worthy of epic poetry, despite his average face and mildly boring disposition. Jordan Ronson, an insurance adjuster in his 30s, posted a profile on Ok…

Grad student buys fancy bottle of ketchup for Valentine’s Day dinner

HALIFAX – Dalhousie graduate student Michael Conroy surprised his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day with a luxurious macaroni and cheese dinner, which he paired with an expensive glass bottle o…

The one guy who likes All-Star games, Sting and Cirque du Soleil going pretty nuts right now

With the NBA All Star game taking place in Toronto this year, sources have confirmed that Andrew Hall, the one and only person who likes top-notch All Star basketball, singer songwriter Sting, an…

Scalia declared dead in most popular ruling of his career

CIBOLO CREEK RANCH, TX – U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was ruled dead by officials in west Texas this weekend, in what experts and colleagues agree is unquestionably the most popular …

Vince Carter skips NBA All-Star tribute to attend master’s graduation ceremony

TORONTO, ON — Vince Carter has decided to attend his master’s graduation ceremony instead of NBA All Star tribute, because “it’s the most Vinsanity thing to do.” “It was my dream to slam du…