Conservatives demand to know how Trudeau will pay for “human dignity” promised to Aboriginals
OTTAWA — Interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose and her MPs are demanding to know how the Liberal government will be able to afford treating indigenous people of Canada with human dignity…
New workplace stress training empowers employees to blame selves
Newmarket, ON — A new workplace stress management course at office supply distributor Nanco Dynamics will help ensure employees take responsibility for their stress rather than blaming a dy…
Beijing’s smog warnings difficult to see through smog
BEIJING — In the wake of Beijing’s first ever “Red Alert” air pollution advisory, a new poll suggests that a significant fraction of the city’s residents have been unable to see the governm…
Radio DJ ensures gun loaded, door barred before starting another week of Christmas music
TORONTO – Jason “Smooth J” Carruthers, DJ for “The Flex” on 98.1, has spent the weekend beefing up security measures in preparation for another week of non-stop Christmas music. “In the sec…
Scientists discover cure for common cold: cancelling plans
CALGARY – A new report from the University of Calgary medical school has found that the elusive cure for the common cold is a prescription for cancelling all the plans you made before you g…
MPs line up to sit on Supreme Court Justices’ laps to ask what laws they want struck down for Christmas
OTTAWA — In a tradition that is as old as Ottawa, 338 excited MPs lined up at the Supreme Court to ask the justices what laws they want struck down or amended for Christmas. Dressed in thei…
Justin Trudeau demands ISIS reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 20%
PARIS – In an impassioned speech at the Paris Climate Summit on Tuesday, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau issued a public demand that the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) immediately take step…
Hydro One offers grass-fed organic electricity
TORONTO – Hydro One has announced that all of the electricity provided to their Ontario customers is certified organic, and comes from local, grass-fed sources. Reacting to controversy arou…
BREAKING: Tax dollars being used to pay Trudeau children’s allowances
OTTAWA – An investigative report has unearthed that the weekly allowances of Xavier and Ella Trudeau are currently being paid using taxpayer funds. “Daddy said I get a whole $5 to spend eac…
Mark Zuckerberg to donate 99% of your personal information to charity
PALO ALTO, CA – In a move that shocked business insiders for its generosity and selflessness, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan have pledged that they will donate…
