Loudmouth spoils ending to World War II
SPOILER ALERT: World War II in Colour ANTIGONISH, NS — Local man Jacob Morley is infuriated after the ending of the Second World War was revealed to him while in the middle of watching a do…
North Korea continues to wage bitter war against the sea
SEOUL – South Korea’s Joint Chiefs of Staff have confirmed that North Korea launched a series of short range projectiles into the Sea of Japan on Monday morning, the latest salvo in North Korea’s…
Local depanneur sheds cocoon, emerges as majestic Couche-Tard
MONTREAL — Reports have come in that, in the early hours Tuesday morning, the depanneur on the corner of St. Laurent and St. Felicia had finally emerged from its cocoon as a glorious and be…
Anonymous accuses dozens of people of being Donald Trump
NEW YORK — Just days after declaring “total war” on GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, hacker collective Anonymous has wasted no time in accusing dozens of private citizens around the world of b…
ISIS fighters defect to join small midwestern town
AL-RAQQAH, SYRIA – Sources inside the Islamic State expressed shock today as several fighters boarded aircraft for Missouri with the intention of dwelling peacefully in the quiet suburb of …
Rogers Wireless reports $10 million profit from people calling CRTC to complain about Rogers Cable
TORONTO – Rogers Wireless, Canada’s largest cellular communications company, achieved an unexpected $10,000,000.00 profit as a result of the amount of time Canadians are spending on their p…
Human Rights Commission awards atheist $14,000 for being repeatedly “blessed” after sneezing
TORONTO — A Markham man was awarded $14,000 by the Ontario Human Rights Commission and forced his co-workers to apologize after he was “politely proselytized” at his workplace whenever he s…
Nanotechnology firm unveils world’s smallest severance package
SILICON VALLEY – In what has been hailed as a major breakthrough in the hyper-competitive world of nanotechnology, tech giant PikoTekk Industries has unveiled the world’s smallest ever severance …
Aunt Linda still standing with eyes closed at Michael Bublé’s walk-of-fame star
TORONTO – Twenty minutes after stumbling across Michael Bublé’s new Canadian walk of fame star, Aunt Linda is still standing motionless in front of it, with her eyes closed and her ha…
Oil pipelines need stronger oversight, says watchdog someone forgot to pay off
OTTAWA – The National Energy Board is not doing enough to make sure pipeline companies are complying with regulations, says a new report by the federal commissioner of the environment and s…
