Two Tinder bots really hitting it off

TORONTO – In a heartwarming Valentine’s Day development, chatbots Caleb and Brianna, initially programmed to fool and then defraud human users on the popular dating app Tinder, have allegedly swi…

Mediocre man seeks perfect woman

TIMMINS, ON – A local man seeks a muse worthy of epic poetry, despite his average face and mildly boring disposition. Jordan Ronson, an insurance adjuster in his 30s, posted a profile on Ok…

Grad student buys fancy bottle of ketchup for Valentine’s Day dinner

HALIFAX – Dalhousie graduate student Michael Conroy surprised his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day with a luxurious macaroni and cheese dinner, which he paired with an expensive glass bottle o…

The one guy who likes All-Star games, Sting and Cirque du Soleil going pretty nuts right now

With the NBA All Star game taking place in Toronto this year, sources have confirmed that Andrew Hall, the one and only person who likes top-notch All Star basketball, singer songwriter Sting, an…

Scalia declared dead in most popular ruling of his career

CIBOLO CREEK RANCH, TX – U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was ruled dead by officials in west Texas this weekend, in what experts and colleagues agree is unquestionably the most popular …

Vince Carter skips NBA All-Star tribute to attend master’s graduation ceremony

TORONTO, ON — Vince Carter has decided to attend his master’s graduation ceremony instead of NBA All Star tribute, because “it’s the most Vinsanity thing to do.” “It was my dream to slam du…

Blue-collar NBA players scoff at elitism of All-Star Game

TORONTO – NBA players across North America have taken issue with what they perceive as unqualified elitism at the league’s annual All-Star Game, arguing that the event only widens the gap b…

Makers of cinnamon hearts surprised people still eating them

TORONTO — Cinnamon heart producers were shocked to discover this week that many consumers of the red heart drops are actually eating the product, sometimes compulsively. “To clarify, the he…

Toronto looking to take relationship with Drake to next level

TORONTO – Things appeared to be getting serious between chart-topping musician Aubrey Drake Graham and Toronto this Friday after Mayor John Tory announced that he would be providing Drake with a …

JK Rowling announces 2016 release of new Harry Potter book “The Costly Beachside Villa”

SAINT TROPEZ, FRANCE – Author JK Rowling surprised fans Harry Potter this week with the announcement of a 2016 release for the 8th installment of her beloved series, entitled “The Costly Beachsid…