Senate announces $2 million national inquiry to investigate cold cases of cheese
OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Nancy Ruth along with dozens of other upper chamber members have announced the Senate’s intention to launch a comprehensive inquiry into the victims of cold ch…
Top 10 Saskatchewan hockey rinks to take a piss in
Now that hockey season is starting to come to an end, and spring has almost sprung, it’s time for The Beaverton’s annual review of the best Saskatchewan hockey rinks we pissed in this…
Stuart McLean takes 45 minutes to vividly describe directions in a small town
WINGHAM, ON – CBC’s Vinyl Cafe host Stuart McLean spent nearly an hour explaining detailed and poetic directions to American tourists on how to get to the local museum in a small Ontario to…
Critics divided on final Mad Men season’s jump to 2061
LOS ANGELES – Premiering April 5th on AMC, the normally secretive hit television show Mad Men has angered some critics and fans with leaked news that its final seven episodes will be set in the y…
ǝsᴉɹ ǝɥʇ uo sǝᴉɹnɾuᴉ ʞɔǝN :ʎpnʇS
˙ƃuᴉpuǝq ʇuɐʇsuoɔ puɐ uᴉɐɹʇs ǝʌᴉssǝɔxǝ ɯoɹɟ sǝᴉɹnɾuᴉ ʞɔǝu ɟo ɹǝqɯnu ǝɥʇ uᴉ ǝsᴉɹ dɹɐɥs ɐ pǝʇɐɔᴉpuᴉ sɐɥ ʎpnʇs uɐᴉpɐuɐƆ ɹoɾɐɯ ∀ – ɹǝʌnoɔuɐΛ spɹɐʍʞɔɐq puɐ uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn sǝlɔᴉʇɹɐ pɐǝɹ oʇ ƃuᴉʎɹʇ sɐ…
Forty-nine states pass bills allowing businesses to reject customers from Indiana
USA – In direct response to the Indiana “Religious Freedom Act”, 49 American states have unanimously passed bills allowing business to reject any customer from Indiana. “We believe that the busin…
Budget cuts force CBC to fire all the horses from Heartland
ALBERTA – Following another round of programming cuts, the CBC has been forced to downsize almost 40 horses from the 9th season of it’s still existing drama, Heartland. “For a while we thou…
Future Shop employees receive severance pay in Best Buy gift cards
TORONTO – 1,500 former employees of Future Shop Canada will receive a generous severance package of Best Buy gift certificates valued at $25 or more. Best Buy, the parent company of Future …
Canada will drop ‘very smart bombs’ programmed to understand complexities of Syrian conflict
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Jason Kenney has assured the Canadian public the bombs being dropped on Syria will be of the ‘very smart bomb’ variety fully capable of understanding the complicat…
