City of Toronto allows bed bugs on TTC as part of plan to make Toronto New York
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory conceded yesterday that city workers had planted bedbugs on the 501 Queen Streetcar in an effort to bring a little more New York City grit to the Six. “There’s a feeling…
How are you celebrating Conrad Black history month?
By: Conrad Black, Baron Black of Crossharbour February is Black history month, and that means it is, once again, it’s time to honour and pay tribute to the major historical contributions that I, …
Canadian Forces’ BattleMech procurement program $500 trillion over budget
OTTAWA – The auditor general has released a report finding that the cost of replacing the Canadian Forces’ aging Leopard tanks with 70 tonne, galactic Summoner OmniMechs has ballooned to $5…
Apple vows to stop FBI from corrupting exploitation monopoly
CUPERTINO, CALIF. – In an open letter to consumers, Apple CEO Tim Cook promised to fight a recent court order forcing the company to assist the FBI in hacking San Bernadino shooter Sayed Farook’s…
Goldman Sachs predicts CDN dollar will continue to fall after they artificially lower it
NEW YORK CITY – Goldman Sachs’ computer models have predicted that the value of the Canadian Dollar will fall 12 cents compared to the US dollar in the coming weeks after they use an astoun…
Guy who shouts things at bus station granted Alberta legislature press pass
EDMONTON — “Ted the Truthmaker”, an Edmonton resident who enjoys yelling conspiracy theories about the government at commuters, was granted a press pass to the Alberta legislature yesterday…
After pet cosmetic surgery ban, Quebec faces epidemic of unfuckable pets
QUEBEC CITY – After Quebec’s order of veterinarians banned cosmetic ear-cropping and tail-docking, the province is facing an unprecedented surge in completely fugly pets. “Augh, nasty,” sai…
Passionate triple homicide in beautiful Old Montreal
MONTREAL — Reports have been confirmed that three people have died following a shooting last night outside the La Nuit des Passions nightclub near Place d’Youville in Old Montreal, but then…
Study: Exposure to billboard ads linked to unrealistic expectation that all women are 70ft tall
SASKATOON – A new study out of the University of Saskatchewan shows that men exposed to billboard advertisements slowly begin to assume that all women are blonde, thin, and gigantic. “In re…
