Woman getting off at Museum Station probably works at the museum
TORONTO – A mysterious woman set off a firestorm of speculation yesterday when she exited the subway train at an unconventional stop, Museum Station*. “I thought she must’ve missed her transfer o…
Whitehorse mascot awarded Key to the City
WHITEHORSE — The City of Whitehorse announced today that it will giving the prestigious Key to the City to the Liberty Tax Services mascot. According city council, the gigantic maple leaf a…
Date going pretty well, thinks man with laser sight trained on his center of mass
VANCOUVER – After twenty minutes of interesting and flirtatious conversation, local man Andrew Chen believes his date to be going pretty well, unaware of the fact that a red dot has been ho…
Icelandic PM forced to resign following uproar of dozens
REYKJAVIK – Icelandic Prime Minister Sigmundur Davíð Gunnlaugsson resigned this week following disclosure that he had, at one time, secretly held millions of dollars’ worth of Icelandic bank bond…
Brandon U requires sexual assault victims to sign nondisclosure before yelling for help
BRANDON—The Student Services department at Brandon University has instituted a new policy that protects students by requiring them to sign a non-disclosure agreement prior to calling for aid whil…
Top 10 Underrated Racist Names for White People
Racism can be traced back tens of thousands of years to cave paintings in France, where early homo-sapiens are depicted in “Neanderthal Face.” Although scientists are coming to the conclusion tha…
RBC bests Scotiabank with new ad campaign ‘you’re richer than the government thinks’
TORONTO – RBC has announced a new slogan designed to compete with Scotiabank’s popular ‘you’re richer than you think’ in which the bank assures people that they can be wealthier than they t…
Friend never figured Dave for kind of guy to be killed by vampire hunter
WINDSOR, ON – Following the destruction of his friend Dave at the hands of a vampire slayer this afternoon, local man Mark Fresno has expressed mild surprise at the manner of his friendR…
Nobody in national defence headquarters remembers what flashing red light means
OTTAWA – Hours after the dusty light bulb in the corner of every office inside the National Defence Headquarters began to flash red, the entire civilian and military staff of the building r…
Saskatchewan election coverage bumped by breaking news story on cat in tree
REGINA — Election results for the 2016 Saskatchewan election have been interrupted with a late-breaking story of a feline in a tree. CBC, CTV, Global and other news channels immediately cut…
