New STI discovered in Victoria nursing home
Victoria, BC – Health Canada admitted this morning that a new sexually transmitted infection has been discovered in nursing home resident Gladys Newcombe. “This new STI causes terrible pain…
5 sexy joke Halloween costumes to spark an evening of ironic intercourse
Halloween. Pumpkins. Candy. Fun parties. And sex you as woman would otherwise feel shame for seeking out. Check out our Halloween guide below to make your perfect costume for trick-or-treating yo…
Local woman relieved she can stop meaning to figure out what Vine is
ST. JOHN’S – With the announcement that Twitter will shut down its popular video sharing app Vine, local woman Angela MacIsaac, 31, has expressed relief that she no longer feels obligated t…
Report: Everyone at Halloween party wearing Stranger Things costume
FREDERICTON – Reports surfaced early yesterday morning confirming that every single attendee at the office Halloween party was wearing a Stranger Things themed costume. “I mean, we knew it …
New ‘Da Vinci Code’ movie highly anticipated among Dan Browns
LOS ANGELES, CA — The Dan Browns of Dan Brown’s Dan Brown Fan Club released an official statement on their website, Saturday, expressing their excitement for Inferno, the new film in the Da…
Study: average household onto third box of Halloween candy by now
OTTAWA — A recent study at the University of Ottawa has concluded that 93% of Canadian households have already bought and eaten two boxes of candy intended for Halloween, and are working on a thi…
EDITORIAL: I wouldn’t mind cyclists if they weren’t so smug about getting maimed and killed
By Herb Fentle Look, cyclists are fine. I get it, you want to exercise, and do it in a way that everyone can see you do it. And you want to make it very clear to the street that you really care a…
You are ten years old – what treat will you receive from Grandpa?
You’re ten years old, and it’s time for a visit to grandpa’s house. Will you end up getting a treat or will it end up being something much, much worse? To find out, start your j…
Breaking: The Beaverton obtains Parliamentary Press Pass
OTTAWA – In order to better compete with other media and bring readers the most reliable fake news, the Beaverton is going directly to the source and has been granted access to the Parliame…
The Indian Act
Marilla Wex reports on how the Trudeau government has finally found a way to solve the racial and legal complications surrounding one of Canada’s oldest laws.…
